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[wardencz]

>Wake up!

You woke up on a small sandy beach beside the river, you can still hear the noise of the nearby waterfall, but can't see it, you realise you lost all your items. Furthermore you don't know for how long you've been out, but it's getting dark. All of a sudden, you hear a mighty roar coming off the nearby bushes.

Inventory:
Empty

[Luchsen]

>Take all that's left

"You take the hairdryer with power-cord, the brass lock, the golden clam-idol, the dread fear of what the future holds, and the magazine of young women in bathing suits.

Wild Pikachu appeared!"

>Throw idol at Pikachu

"The Pikachu gets sucked into the idol. The idol jiggles for a second, then a light flashes up. All right! Pikachu was caught! The golden clam-idol is a Master Ball!"

Inventory:
A hairdryer with power-cord
A brass lock
A Master Ball > A Pikachu
A dread fear of what the future holds
A magazine of young women in bathing suits

[Expack2]

>swearing off

"Sorry, Mr. I'm-As-Tubby-As-A-Bloody-Fat-Cannibalistic-Landlubber, but there is no such option. (Geez, where did you come from - Planet Loser?)"

>walk north

"Without a compass, you have no way of knowing which way is north.

You hear manic footsteps and a wild noise coming straight at you. Whatever it is, it isn't friendly."

>use Master Ball and run forward

"You activate the Master Ball, which promptly deploys your wild Pikachu.

...wait a minute. How did you know how to activate the Master Ball? Did you cheat? Did you load a save game while I wasn't looking? Oh, well.

In spite of all the times I've told you you can't run very fast, Mr. Tubby-Man, you suddenly run very fast...right into a tree. Something small and metallic lands on your head, which you can barely feel through your insane migraine. With your vision gone (hopefully temporary), you hear electric sparking and whining nearby. The cacophony is so loud that you pass out from the pain."

Inventory:
A hairdryer with a power-cord
A brass lock
A Master Ball
A dread fear of what the future holds
A magazine of young women in bathing suits

[B-Wolf]

>wake up

“As you wake up and come somewhat to you senses, you look around and find that you are tied up in a small wooden hut. There are also two other people tied up in the hut with you. One is an old man who is in better shape than you. The other is a small girl, who is also in better shape than you. Outside, you can hear that same electric sparking and whining you heard earlier.”

>look outside

“...What?! ...You honestly think that you can look outside all tied up like that?! …Okay then, let's see what happens. You try to wriggle out of your rope bonds, but the most you manage to do is fall down on you're side. You then finally come to the realization that you won't be able to do much all tied up like you are now.”

>yell at old man out of anger

“Why... what did he ever do to you, but okay then. You scream and yell at the old man, but it appears he is sleeping and even your loud noises can't wake him. The small girl then says to you timidly, "please sir don't make so much noise or they will come back to torture you."”

Inventory:
A hairdryer with a power-cord
A brass lock
A Master Ball
A dread fear of what the future holds
A magazine of young women in bathing suits

[Expack2]

>summon Pikachu

"You attempt to summon Pikachu, but, being as you haven't trained him, he doesn't come.

The little girl comes near and says 'Please, sir! Do you want them to come back and torture you?'

The noise outside has stopped. I wonder who won?"

>ask girl about they

"You ask the girl 'Who's "they"?' The girl trembles at the word 'they'. She seems reluctant to say anything regarding the mysterious persons."

>show girl dread fear

"Please tell me you don't mean that literally?"

>no

"OK.

You decide to reveal your dread fear of what the future holds. After explaining your journey thus far, the girl responds..."

Inventory:
A hairdryer with a power-cord
A brass lock
A Master Ball
A dread fear of what the future holds
A magazine of young women in bathing suits

[Luchsen]

"... 'You should praise the LORD and pray for yourself.'"

>Pray

"To whom?"

>Pray to god

"Which god?"

>Pray to all gods

"Clever ... but nothing happens."

Inventory:
A hairdryer with a power-cord
A brass lock
A Master Ball
Atheism
A magazine of young women in bathing suits

[Expack2]

>look at girl

"A young girl, at least 8 or 9 years old, stands watch next to the old man, who is still sleeping. She is, oddly enough, dressed in safari garb. Her body shows evidence of fighting, but against what is unclear thanks to the weird scars on her body."

>examine scars on girl

"Excuse me, stupid, but how can you do that WHEN YOU'RE TIED UP?!"

>examine scars on girl

"Can't you read? You're tied up - literally!! How can you look at something which you can't see clearly if you can't move closer to it?!"

>put on magnifying glasses

"Oh, now THAT'S rich. Har-har-har! It's so funny, I might as well kill you right now as part of some sadistic joke.

Seriously, though, I will send He Who Is Epic to kill you if you don't shut up and stop asking the impossible."

>kill narrator

"WTF!? Are you serious?"

>yes

"...

You may consider yourself dead now. Why, you may ask? Because I hath summoned He Who Is Epic. If you don't know who HE is, suffice to say you will know in a rather painful way very soon - unless, of course, you should get REALLY lucky and convince him you're not insane. (Good luck with THAT, Captain Lard.)"

Inventory:
A hairdryer with a power-cord
A brass lock
A Master Ball
Atheism
A magazine of young women in bathing suits
Death warrant

[B-Wolf]

>examine hut

“In a desperate attempt to save yourself from He Who is Epic, you look around the small hut for anything than might be of use. In one corner of the hut, there are 3 jars of various sizes. On the wall there is a book self with a single book on it. Below the book self is a picture of a very familiar looking dwarf, your thoughts go back to the time you killed and ate the dwarf.

The small girl has moved to a corner of the hut. She is trembling with fear and tears role down her face. The old man continues to sleep, unaware of the danger you put them all in.

Outside the hut there is a tall young man with amazing hair and a humongous sword. He looks at you and then says to you, 'I am He Who is Epic and I am here to kill you!'”

Inventory:
A hairdryer with a power-cord
A brass lock
A Master Ball
Atheism
A magazine of young women in bathing suits
Death warrant

[Luchsen]

>Wait

"Having atheism in your inventory seems to have made you a logically thinking being, which furthermore accepts the inevitable facts of bitter life stoically. You can do nothing, so you wait.

Now that you are in a calm buddha-esque state, you notice the slowly increasing sensation of cold. You are still wet from your little swimming lesson at the foot of the waterfall."

>Wait

"Concluding from the nature of the narrator, you begin to understand that He Who is Epic is a methaporical figure which materialised within your senses from the meta-level. Your death won't be murder committed by a real person. The narrator knows your world. He knew that you are wet and that you hadn't noticed it. He knew that even when you notice it, you can't do anything against it since you are tied up. And he knew that you wouldn't try to do the impossible to get dry since he knew that you won't think of dying because of your wetness. He knew you would die due to hypothermia damn sure.

Pikachu comes in. It seems to have won its battle against whoever or whatever - you can't make that out of the gibberish Pikachu is letting loose - Pikachu seems to know only one word, 'pika', in a myriad ways of emphasis and pitch."

>Use hairdryer with Pikachu on self

"Pikachu used thundershock! It's very effective! The Sirocco™ hairdryer blows air like a hot desert storm! The hairdryer becomes overcharged and pulverised (a critical hit!), but you are dry!

The death warrant becomes pulverised since you have proven that you are not insane on the meta-level!

The narrator apologises to you. He realised that he was at fault with his insanity accusations. He even says that he doesn't have the competence to judge on that field anyway."

Inventory:
A brass lock
A Master Ball
Atheism
A magazine of young women in bathing suits

[B-Wolf]

>eat rope

“For once in your life, you come up with the brilliant idea that you might be able to get free of your rope bonds by chewing on them. Slowly, you manage to chew through them one by one until you are free. The small girl looks at you with a horrified look and says, 'Sir, I am sure that they are going to come back to torture you now that you broke free of the ropes.'”

>take book

“You take the single book off the shelf and stick it in your inventory.”

>examine book

“It is a magic book that tells how to summon creatures to your aid. Three of the spells are simple enough for you to do. The first is an Angel Summoning Spell. The Second is a Dragon Summoning Spell. The last one is a Zombie Giant Summoning Spell.

Outside, you hear a bunch of loud yelling and chanting. You then hear someone say, 'Oh great! Fatso broke free of his ropes. Guess I'll have to torture him, and maybe I'll torture that little girl just for the fun of it.'”

Inventory:
A brass lock
A Master Ball
Atheism
A magazine of young women in bathing suits
A book on summoning magic