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[Sebatianos]

Originally posted by Tulac@Sep 29 2005, 10:31 PM
You already posted a lot of jokes of this type in this topic, you're suspicious... :evil:

Yes mother... :bleh:

Here's another one (cleaner this time - but not much):
There was a truck driver by the name of James and his moto was - I screw all the dames! And he was driving along the highway, when he sees a nun hitchhiking. He stops and says:
"I can give you a lift sister, but I must warn you - I'm driver James and screw all the dames."
The nun gets in the truck and says nothing. After a while James stops the truck and says:
"Now I'll show you why I'm driver James who screws all the dames."
The nun gets somewhat worried, seeing who she's about to get raped, so she asks a favour:
"Well they mustn't find out, I'm not a virgin anymore. Can you do me anally?"
James does this little favour for her and after he's done he says:
"You see now that I'm really driver James, who screws all the dames?"
And the nun replies:
"Allow me to introduce my self. I'm homo Stan, who dreses up like a nun."

Works better in Slovene, the names rhyme (peder Bruno, ki se oblači v nuno).

[Sameeralord]

Here is a Bush Joke,

George W. Bush was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word "tragedy." So, George W. asked the class for an example of a tragedy.

One boy stood up and said, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."

A girl raised her hand and said, "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," the President said. "That's what we would call a Great Loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. President Bush searched the room and asked, "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand, and in a quiet voice, he said, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. and Mrs. Bush, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy."

"That's right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" asked the President.

"Well," Johnny said, "because it wouldn't be an accident and it sure as hell wouldn't be a Great Loss..." k:

[troop18546]

LOL

[Sameeralord]

-Post deleted by me-

[troop18546]

This ain't funny (maybe not at the moment). :whistle:

[Dino]

Originally posted by Sebatianos@Sep 29 2005, 09:49 PM
Works better in Slovene, the names rhyme (peder Bruno, ki se oblači v nuno).

That was great! LOL

I'm trying to think of suitable Croatian version of that one...

[Sameeralord]

Originally posted by troop18546@Sep 30 2005, 02:16 PM
This ain't funny (maybe not at the moment). :whistle:

Yeah you are right the situation is really sad but I just posted that picture to show what Bush has done for hurricanes. Anyways I'll delete that post it it not that funny when you think of the people who died.

[Stebbi]

Originally posted by Puffin@Sep 2 2004, 09:01 PM
Well... maybe.....

There were two tomatoes crossing a street.....
then a car chrashes one of them!
Then the other tomatoe shouted: "Hurry up, tomato-sauce!"


HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA :w00t:
HAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA......
HAHAHAHA.........
HAHA......
....HA....

B)

haha that one is a classic but in english i think it is like this
two tomatoes were crossing a street when a car hit the other tomato.....and the other tomatoe yells hey Ketchup

[Tulac]

Originally posted by Unknown Hero@Sep 28 2005, 08:47 PM
What benefits we Croatians have! :angel: :angel: :angel:

Don't forget about these

YOU KNOW YOU'RE CROATIAN WHEN

All meals your parents have ever prepared contain one
key ingredient "Vegeta"

You were still in elementary school the first time
you got drunk

You are never ever allowed to sit by an open window
for fear of catching pneumonia from the "propuh" (even
in the middle of summer)

There is a bar in your church hall that contains a 2
year supply of Brandy

You insist that you can spot a Serb from a mile away

The use of vulgar language at home is unacceptable,
unless it is Croatian

English words are acceptable if used with the ending
"A-T-I" which makes them Croatian..."play-ati",
"study-ati"

Your Dida mowes the lawn in knee high black socks and
sandals

Your Dida has a shot of Rakija for breakfast

At least one family member makes his own wine

"Sljivovica" is used not only to celebrate at all
occasions, but to cure illness and as a massage lotion
as well

At the age of 13, you are allowed to go out of town
with your friends for Croatian soccer tournaments,
folklore festivals and dances

Your parents were at the function where you got drunk

The majority of your friends are also your relatives,
even if they aren't your relatives, you refer to their
parents as "Teta" and "Striko"

You are the only kid in your class who doesn't get to
sleep in on Saturdays because of "Hrvatska Skola"

"Kuhace" are not only used for stirring when
cooking...they are also used by Mama to beat you when
there is no "siba" handy

At least once before you've told your parents that
you'll call the police to report "child abuse" and
your parents said "Samo probaj"

Mama beat you in public on at least one occasion

When leaving the house to go out, you always receive
the same warnings(regardless of age): -"Pazi sta
radis", "Pamet u glavu", "Nemoj me sramotit", "Nemoj
da ja sta cujem"

Sadly, if something actually does happen, somehow
Mama will know before you make it home

Mama gets pissed off at you for bringing home
McDonalds saying, "sta ce ti taj junk?"

Your parents insist that you'll end up a nobody if
you don't graduate from "fakultet"

Lunch on sundays have more courses than Amerikanci
have for Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner

You know that in addition to fruit flavoured Jello,
that gelatin can also be prepared with pigs feet

You love "pasteta", but don't like bringing it to
school or work for lunch because you'd be embarassed
if someone asked you what it was

There is a slab of fat in your fridge called SLANINA

Your mother washes the dishes before putting them in
the dishwasher

Vegetarianism is not a concept your parents
understand

All other action stops when you hear people speaking
Serbian in a store somewhere and your mom starts to
talk to you in english so that the serbian people
won't find out you speak "their" language and start
trying to be your friend.

You have at least one short-wave radio in your house

You smell garlic on the old man's breath behind you
sitting on the klupa in church on Sunday mornings

You live with your parents until you are married

Mama thinks that whenever you get sick it's because
you didn't eat enough

When upset, it isn't unusual for Tata to send you "u
pizdu materinu"

Baba and Dida wear at least 3 layers of clothing in
all seasons

Dida and/or Baka spits into a napkin at the dinner
table

Your parents turn the channel when there is a kissing
scene

Dida & Baka insist you are quiet while he watches the
news even though he doesn't understand a single word
they're saying. Regardless of the fact he doesn't
understand what they're saying, he knows more about
what's going on in the world than you do

You never got the "Birds and the Bees" talk from Mama
and Tata as you were growing up

Whenever your parents said "vidit cemo" you knew that
it meant "NO!"

Everything that goes wrong in the world can somehow
be traced back to Serbs

Your cousin in Croatia who calls you to send him
money had a cell phone before you and wears only name
brand clothing

Your relatives in Croatia think it's strange if you
are not married by the age of 18

You are only allowed to vacation in the homeland

You are only allowed to speak Croatian at home

You have 17 consenants in your name and only 2 vowels

Your 13 yr old sister can out drink any Amerikanac

You cringe when you hear the word BATINE and hide

Your parents still prefer buying cassete's over cd's

No one can pronounce your last name and every kid on
the block has a nickname for it

A CROATIAN wedding consists of a minimum of 1000
people, 2/3 of which you dont even know

......You're still laughing your behind off cause u know
every single one of these are true!!!!!

[Danny252]

well, Im definately not croatian.
Except maybe the part where Serbians are the cause of everything wrong in the world.