@Witch:
Yeeey, my first praise
Thanks a lot.
@twillight:
And first comments. Quite a few of them, thanks for your time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by twillight
- number of syllables
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Hmmm, I indeed never care about that, as long as numbers are so-so similar... Somehow I see taking care about that as making a strict form, which I'm still not into. More precisely, I feel I'm still not that good, to say what I want and make it fit a strict form. But to be honest, I haven't even tried.
Quote:
Originally Posted by twillight
- rhymes
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Oh yes, I am aware of that. Similar, I also do keep same vocals, but not necessary rhymes. I hope I will improve that, but I also need to improve my English. I often get stuck.
Quote:
Originally Posted by twillight
- stick to the tematic. In this case we could've say 1st section is gone love, 2nd is new love, but this order soon collapses.
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Actually, theme would be my view or understanding of love, at least from this aspect, not exactly love with specific person. I don't really think I should explain much the theme of the song, since you should figure it out your way and give me your opinion, like you did now. I wasn't expecting this reaction, since song makes sense to me (surprise surprise
). Now this proves that feedback is very important
Quote:
Originally Posted by twillight
- in the 3rd section why you use "they"?
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It refers to "Feelings" from the previous line. Perhaps my English again?
Quote:
Originally Posted by twillight
The rythm seems in order though.
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Well, thanks a lot. I had a rhythm in my head while writing, so it's nice to hear that that part is ok
Quote:
Originally Posted by twillight
And a creative advice: many people fail with trying to write "love-love-love" poems. It's not an imminent failure to write a love poem (even if "love" as word is always used in them), but at least try other themes.
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Well, like I said, the song isn't really about love, at least for me. I am re-questioning my need for love and what love really brings while you have some inner struggles. My personal point in this song would be that love is not the meaning of life, although it is important. Between two relationships, I feel very eager to start a new one, although previous love wasn't a solution to my inner problems and questions. So, I don't like the fact that "need for love" may be running away from those questions and even thou I will fall in love again, there are things I can solve only by myself alone.
Naturally, you can't know my own point, which is normal and IMO the way it should be. Like I said, feedback can be very useful to understand how will other see the song and there is surely room for improvements.