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[blastradius14]

Some people believe that hell is re-living the most miserable day of your life, and some believe its living your worst nightmare. Personally I believe in neither.

Its day 1 in hell, Bob and his wife Sue start the sad story. Bob comes home from work and says, Work was murder. Sue says, oh? What happened? Bob says, I got mugged on the way there, the copy machine nearly killed me and then I was fired.

Day 2 in hell: Bob comes home from work again and says, Work was murder. Sue says, oh? What happened? Bob says, I got mugged on the way there, the copy machine nearly killed me and then I was fired.

Several days later of the same thing occuring... Bob comes home from work and says, Work was murder. Sue says, let me guess, you were supposed to be a victim of a drive by, but instead you were only mugged. Then, you were supposed to get killed by the copy machine, then your boss fired you. Startled by her reaction, he said, what's the matter with you? Realising he had never asked her what her curse of hell was, he asked her. She said, I had to marry you!

[a1s]

a person dies and finds himself in a horrid place: some people are whiped by demons, other are being boiled in giant pots... suddenly he notices a door, so he goes in and sees a whole bunch of people who are wathicng a football match, and driking beer.
-is this hell? - he asks, puzzled.
-yeah, prety much- answers one man.
-but why aren't you out there, being torchured?
-that part is reserved for the belivers.

[blastradius14]

Originally posted by a1s@Aug 6 2005, 01:01 AM
a person dies and finds himself in a horrid place: some people are whiped by demons, other are being boiled in giant pots... suddenly he notices a door, so he goes in and sees a whole bunch of people who are wathicng a football match, and driking beer.
-is this hell? - he asks, puzzled.
-yeah, prety much- answers one man.
-but why aren't you out there, being torchured?
-that part is reserved for the belivers.

Sounds about right man. I'm glad I'm an athiest

[Fox]

The Atheist

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created. "What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he walked alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging toward him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in. He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes.

Looking over his shoulder again, the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear, right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike.

At that instant the atheist cried out, without thinking, "Oh my God! ... "

Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky,
"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to now count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light and answered,
"It would be hypocritical for me to be a Christian after all these years; but, perhaps, you could make the bear a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.
The light went out.
The River ran again.
The sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw ... brought both paws together ... bowed his head and spoke:
"Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."

EDIT: @blastradius: Just kidding

[blastradius14]

At that instant the atheist cried out, without thinking, "Oh my God! ... "

More like Awww, *Meeep*! LOL

but enough with the situational jokes :tai:

[swiss]

there was an internet vote about this one to be the best joke ever.


- Two huntsmen walk through a forrest when suddely one of them raises his hands to his heard and falls to the ground.
The second one calls the abulance and tells them that his collegue died. "Please be sure about his death" says the abulance guy and a few sec later he hears a shot. "Well, and what do I need to do now" asks the second huntsman.

It's terribly translated to English but I love this one.

[Office_Monk]

Best joke ever; on every PC:

Keyboard error, press F1 to continue...

[Toxik]

Bunch of PC jokes:
processor not found.should system emulate it?Y/N
Press F13 to continue..
catastrophical shotage of system resources!insert another processor and press ENTER
mouse is hungry.Insert cheese to disc A: and press ENTER
If any problem occurs open Window and use hardware acceleration Free Fall.
Fatal error occured when displaying fatal error on 3b5g61fd
Press any key to continue or any key to quit..
Printer not found,use pencil and paper!
No problems found on your Hdd.Windows is now generatin some of them.

[swiss]

you moved your mouse. please restart windows to activate changes ..

[blastradius14]

You pressed a button on the keyboard. You have -1 seconds to...