01-10-2006, 10:51 PM | #1401 | ||
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Kavadarci, Macedonia, the former Yugoslav Republic of
Posts: 78
|
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Vendermarch @ Sep 13 2006, 01:02 PM) [snapback]254764[/snapback]</div>
Quote:
There was this rabbit. He got drunk as hell in a bar near the forrest and made his way home. But he was so drunk and he got lost somewhere in the monutains. Ha walked for a while, and in the end he passed out. It was winter - there was no food, no grass, no flowers no meat, no nothing - the crisis period of the year. In a while a gang of wolves found him laying in the snow. They were too many to share him, about 20 of them (wolves) .So they started arguing, then they started fighting, then they started killing each other-it was a massacre. The next morning the rabbit wakes up, streches, and takes a look around him: blood, brains, tails, legs, arms, heads, eyes, bones, scalves... around him. He says to him self: "Man, I don`t know what am I doing when im drunk." --------------------------- Behind 7 monutains, behind 7 seas, behind 7 hills, behind 7 continents, behind 7 rivers, behind 7 forests, behind 7 countries, behind 7 lakes and behind 7 trees, once lived a dragon. One day the dragon wakes up an says: "Where the hell am I living" |
||
|
|
02-10-2006, 11:10 AM | #1402 | ||
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Kaunas, Lithuania
Posts: 1,016
|
Last 2 from Nace - LOL. ROFL.
|
||
|
|
02-10-2006, 01:26 PM | #1403 | ||
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Agalli, Albania
Posts: 1,021
|
A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide right away. The pharmacist naturally was concerned by such a request and asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license. They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not—you cannot have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription." ------------------------------ On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you idiot". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you". The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"
__________________
Crantius Colto: Fear not. You are safe here with me. Lifts-Her-Tail: I must finish my cleaning, sir. The mistress will have my head if I do not! Crantius Colto: Cleaning, eh? I have something for you. Here, polish my spear. Lifts-Her-Tail: But it is huge! It could take me all night! Crantius Colto: Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time. From The Lusty Argonian Maid by Crassius Curio found in TES3: Morrowind |
||
|
|
02-10-2006, 01:51 PM | #1404 | ||
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: London, England
Posts: 326
|
I've got some more Chuck Norris facts for ya -
1.Some household cleaning products claim to kill 99% of all known germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever the hell he wants. 2.There is no chin under Chuck's beard. Only another fist. 3.Chuck Norris has two speeds - walk, and kill. 4.When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down. 5.Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 6.Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. 7.Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush. 8.Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. 9.Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost. 10.Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV. 11.Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. 12.When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. 13.When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska. 14.Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun. 15.Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you. 16.Chuck Norris does not have chest hair, he has millions of highly venomous nematocysts. You have virtually no chance of surviving the venomous sting, unless treated immediately. The pain is so excruciating and overwhelming that you would most likely go into shock and collapse a split second before getting hit in the face with a roundhouse kick. 17.Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands. 18.Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either. 19.Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral. 20.Chuck Norris can kick start a car. 20 is enough, there are thousands of them out there on the interweb. |
||
|
|
02-10-2006, 02:52 PM | #1405 | ||
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Kavadarci, Macedonia, the former Yugoslav Republic of
Posts: 78
|
Chuck Noris rulez :brain: :wallbash: :monkey_dance:
You do realise that he will kill us all, including Kosta |
||
|
|
04-10-2006, 07:09 AM | #1406 | ||
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Lappeenranta, Finland
Posts: 2,236
|
My new idol.
But hey! I got a joke. A potato seller was walking down a street with a sack full of potatoes. When he passed a skycraper, he heard a voice : Gimme potatoe's, gimme potatoe's. That voice came from the toppest floor of the building. The seller tought that someone wanted to buy potatoes, so he entered the building. However, the elevator was broken, so he had to take the stairs. After he finally made it to the top, he found a parrot. The parrot said: Gimme potatoe's, gimme potatoe's. Potato seller became angry. He grabbed the parrot and tossed him out of the window. While falling down, the parrot passed a window cleaner, who just dropped from the roof. " I see. Did you tried to buy potatoes too?" Parrot asked. |
||
|
|
04-10-2006, 01:45 PM | #1407 | ||
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Bucharest, Romania
Posts: 1,021
|
couldn't laugh..sorry
|
||
|
|
04-10-2006, 09:08 PM | #1408 | ||
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Kavadarci, Macedonia, the former Yugoslav Republic of
Posts: 78
|
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Himmler @ Oct 4 2006, 01:45 PM) [snapback]259343[/snapback]</div>
Quote:
|
||
|
|
04-10-2006, 09:22 PM | #1409 | ||
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: ,
Posts: 95
|
Once upon a time there was a man who owned a pet rabbit. The little critter was a complete pervert and tried to copulate with anything that moved: canaries, tortoises, cats, dogs, the neighbour's hamster, the neighbour's wife...
...eventually, and after numerous complaints, the man decides to get rid of his furry lustful friend. He puts him in his car, drives all the way to the desert and drops him there. The following day, the man is filled with remorse. He decides to search for his bunny and races to the place where he had dropped him. After a few hours of searching under the scorching sun, the man finds his bunny lying on his back, seemingly lifeless. Vultures are flying around it. He bursts into tears: ''My poor, poor bunny! What have I done?! I loved you so much, and now you're dead!!!!'' And suddenly.... ''Schhhhh...shut up, dammit!!!'', the bunny whispers. ''You just wait until those hot-looking vultures land....''
__________________
[FL]GunMan{S} |
||
|
|
04-10-2006, 10:35 PM | #1410 | ||
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Kavadarci, Macedonia, the former Yugoslav Republic of
Posts: 78
|
Yeah, thats a horny rabbit allright
Rabbits also rule |
||
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Favourite Cow Jokes | arete | Blah, blah, blah... | 7 | 13-09-2008 12:22 AM |
D&d Jokes. | Nick | Blah, blah, blah... | 14 | 19-04-2006 05:46 PM |
In-jokes | Bobbin Threadbare | Old Suggestions | 25 | 02-12-2005 02:35 PM |
Practical Jokes | ReamusLQ | Blah, blah, blah... | 37 | 29-09-2005 01:10 PM |
Jokes, Jokes, And... You Guessed It, More Jokes | Airwolf | Blah, blah, blah... | 2 | 11-06-2005 06:57 AM |
|
|
||
  |