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[Fubb]

Well, i have a total of 3 classes in my last semester of grade 12, english comp, english lit, and applied mathematics.

Now english lit is easy, all we do is read shakespeare and stuff. However our teacher, a learned old man who is very, VERY intelligent when it comes to grammar and the arts and what not, always makes us do in depth studies of these stories, but thats mostly okay, cause im usually good at that stuff.

Lit mark; 67. Why? I accidentally 'skipped' a lit class trying to finish an over do assignment for my comp class. I missed a quiz apparently, so even though all my other marks in the class are 75's and 80's on all the assignments, that 0 drug it down!

In Math, as long as i can actually figure out whats going on, I can do the work, it sometimes takes me a while to know what im doing though, but for the most part, im okay

Math mark; 57. Why? Im notorious for not doing homework, so im a little behind (though catching up!) on my math, and i've gotten just above 50 on all the tests (i think 54, 56, 61, and the latest is 59)

Now comp is the biggie. I do not understand grammar, i try to put in an effort and i still dont understand. I've failed every single test so far, with 30's in all of them. Though somehow my marks a 47, even though my average is lower? Whatever. Today we had a test, and i was sure i aced it, i felt like i knew everything and told my parents i was sure i was goona get atleast a 70, it made my day, made me all happy! I've been stressed for the past 2 weeks because of work/school, so this naturally makes you feel good. I got a 35 on the test!

The past few months i've been questioning whether im stupid or retarded, or have ADD, and stuff like this only reinforces my claims. I can never focus on homework and studying. Its not like i watch tv or play games instead, on the contrary i read books or go on Wikipedia to learn something interesting. I wanna apply for university and go into either history or political studies but they dont accept marks like this. Come exam time english is goona ass rape me. I literally do feel like i have no future and that im goona work at the Co-Op forever!

Im fairly certain i've developed a sort of inferiority complex, cause whenever i fail at something i feel stupid and embarrassed, and quietly in my thoughts tend to tell myself all my friends are better then me, cause they all get 70's and stuff. Even my own siblings are successful (brother is a great electrician, sister is graduating from university as a nurse, and other sister is pursuing a future as a doctor)

And the worst thing is i dont even know if i wanna be whatever history (teaching?) or political studies (politics?) would lead too, cause its just goona be some crappy desk job or something. I've been questioning whether or not to look into joining the army, even though im physically challenged (im weak! haha) though i have a feeling that'd only get me killed.

And now, prom is tomorrow night, im going with a girl i like, though we're only going as friends. My other friend, i kinda figure likes her, so i was talking to a different friend last night, i told him that maybe i should let Bill (we'll call him bill) go after Stacey (we'll call her Stacey) cause they'd be a better couple, but he just told me to go after her instead cause i like her and i shouldn't be so 'unselfish.' I wasn't being unselfish, i really dont have allot to offer her. Plus i dont know how to date a girl.

I've literally never been stressed in my entire life. Now everything hit me all at once. gotta apply for university which i probably won't get into cause my marks are shit, gotta deal with a job i really hate, gotta get better at school so on so forth. If i dont graduate this year im goona die inside.

Sigh