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Old 24-02-2009, 09:24 PM   #1
The_Lemming
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Smile The Humorous Quotes Thread

Post any humorous quotes from anyone in this thread, such as:

"Nothing of importance happened today."

--King George III of England, on July 4, 1776
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Old 24-02-2009, 09:34 PM   #2
Mighty Midget
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"This wallpaper is dreadful, one of us will have to go."
— Oscar Wilde (on his death bed)
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Old 25-02-2009, 02:50 AM   #3
Lulu_Jane
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The wonderful Mae West -

" Women with "pasts" interest men because men hope that history will repeat itself."

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."
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Old 25-02-2009, 05:30 AM   #4
arete
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Albert Einstein:

The hardest thing in the world to understand, is income tax.


G.K. Chesterton:

Fallacies do not cease to be fallacies because they become fashions.

Half a truth is better than no politics.
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Old 25-02-2009, 01:47 PM   #5
Yes Or Nay
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If you talk to god, you're religious.
If god talks back, you're schizophrenic.

- anonymous visitor of the Bay 12 Games message boards

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Old 25-02-2009, 08:19 PM   #6
hahajejeje
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Sorry if you'll call them Gentlemens, but still not know them well (said before starting a speech).
Groucho Marx.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Ignacio Lòpez after reading this thread...
When I die Y want be cremated,and use the 90% of my ashes on the dinner of my wife like salt..
Groucho Marx.
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Old 27-02-2009, 09:48 AM   #7
Mighty Midget
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"640 K ought to be enough for anybody."
-- Bill Gates, 1981

"The best way to prepare [to be a programmer] is to write programs, and to study great programs that other people have written. In my case, I went to the garbage cans at the Computer Science Center and I fished out listings of their operating systems." -- Bill Gates, OS/2 Notebook, Microsoft Press, 1990, p. 614

"The Internet? We are not interested in it"
-- Bill Gates, 1993

"We had planned to integrate a Web browser with our operating system as far back as 1993"
Microsoft (27 Jul 1998, filing its first court responses to federal antitrust)

"Microsoft Products are Generally Bug Free"
-- Bill Gates

"There are people who don't like capitalism, and there are people who don't like PCs, but there's no one who likes the PC who doesn't like Microsoft."
-- Bill Gates

"Microsoft's biggest and most dangerous contribution to the software industry may be the degree to which it has lowered user expectations."
-- Esther Schindler, OS/2 Magazine
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Old 27-02-2009, 10:43 AM   #8
arete
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LOL Lovely, Midget, lovely.
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Old 27-02-2009, 10:56 AM   #9
El Quia
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"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."
Douglas Adams

"In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri."
Douglas Adams

"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't."
Douglas Adams

"Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of."
Douglas Adams

“He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher...or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.”
Douglas Adams

“'This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.'”
Douglas Adams

“The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.”
Douglas Adams

“Arthur: 'It's at times like this I wish I'd listened to my mother.' Ford : 'Why, what did she say?' Arthur: 'I don't know, I never listened.'”
Douglas Adams

“He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.”
Douglas Adams

“Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.”
Douglas Adams

“It is known that there are an infinte number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely products of a deranged imagination.”
Douglas Adams

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."
Douglas Adams

"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."
Douglas Adams

"This is an important announcement. This is flight 121 to Los Angeles. If your travel plans today do not include Los Angeles, now would be a perfect time to disembark."
Douglas Adams

<dl><dt class="quote">"I've come up with a set of rules that describe our reactions to technologies:
1. Anything that is in the world when you're born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.
2. Anything that's invented between when you're fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it.
3. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things."</dt><dt class="quote">
Douglas Adams
</dt></dl>"There are two things in particular that it [the computer industry] failed to foresee: one was the coming of the Internet(...); the other was the fact that the century would end."
Douglas Adams

Well, I think I will stop here. If I don't, I will end quoting each and every phrase uttered by Douglas Adams. Other funny quotes I know are in Spanish, and the funny part willl be probably lost in the translation
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Old 27-02-2009, 01:59 PM   #10
ianfreddie07
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"u better kick ur ass.."
-anonymous people who sent me hate mail

"u r barking at the wrong tree !"
-the SAME anonymous people who sent me hate mail LOL

Anger gets in the way of grammar. Shame.
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