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[rlbell]

Three women were at a restaurant talking about how good their husbands were in bed.

The first woman crowed about how her husband, an automotive technician from Daimler-Chrysler, knew exactly how to keep her in tune and get her engine revving freely.

The second woman laughed about how her husband, a colonel in the army, always started with a detailed reconnaissance of the objective, followed up with extensive preparation, and ended with a decisive penetration and follow through.

The third woman burst into tears and cried about how her husband, a Microsoft marketing manager, would sit on the edge of the bed and tell how good it would be-- next time.

[Mighty Midget]

The last one's a good one

Did you know that one anagram to 'please visit microsoft.com' spells 'victims' comatose profiles'? A coincidence? I dare say NOT!

[troop18546]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(gregor @ May 30 2006, 03:04 PM) [snapback]233245[/snapback]</div>

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all!) When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "ticket, please."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.

Johnny looked up and replied, Well, Ms. Smith, you cant say you werent warned.
[/b]

[gregor]

I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill,
He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,

That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.
He sang of far off places
Of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling,
Brought up the morning sun.

I stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window
And crushed his little head.

I'm not a morning person.

[troop18546]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(gregor @ Jun 12 2006, 08:26 PM) [snapback]236226[/snapback]</div>

I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill,
He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,

That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.
He sang of far off places
Of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling,
Brought up the morning sun.

I stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window
And crushed his little head.

I'm not a morning person.
[/b]

Today I felt the same way. Those damned birds woke me up at 6:00 and kept chirping till I tried to stab them with a toothpick. When the came back - a watergun "cleansed" them.

[Icewolf]

Guys, you are the devil's toothache!

[Himmler]

ok...i need to say a romanian joke for abi and the other romanians...hope you don't mind...and if you do i'll delete it...but it's TOO GOOD! k:
In padurea cu alune, Aveau casa trei pitici, Vine pupaza si spune: "Simptomatic, idiosincrazia dilematica isi reverbereaza
atenuant ecourile absconse protoarmonice din spatele semitranscendent si disonant al obscurantismului incandescent de sorginte medievala,
capsuland filonul crepuscular sincretic si aluziv metempsihotic al transmigratiei alchimice inspre circumvolutiunile interioare ale epocii
istorice care tind sa formeze adevarate supape paleontologice inspre propensiunea paradigmelor de orientare paseista. Parerea mea".... Epilog:
Pupaza a fost imediat impuscata!

[Grinder]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA



...I don't get it.

[Abi79]

@Himmler: LOL Funny. Oh, the poor dwarfs LOL

[a1s]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Himmler @ Jun 13 2006, 11:39 PM) [snapback]236552[/snapback]</div>

ok...i need to say a romanian joke for abi and the other romanians...hope you don't mind...and if you do i'll delete it...but it's TOO GOOD! k:
In padurea cu alune, Aveau casa trei pitici, Vine pupaza si spune: "Simptomatic, idiosincrazia dilematica isi reverbereaza
atenuant ecourile absconse protoarmonice din spatele semitranscendent si disonant al obscurantismului incandescent de sorginte medievala,
capsuland filonul crepuscular sincretic si aluziv metempsihotic al transmigratiei alchimice inspre circumvolutiunile interioare ale epocii
istorice care tind sa formeze adevarate supape paleontologice inspre propensiunea paradigmelor de orientare paseista. Parerea mea".... Epilog:
Pupaza a fost imediat impuscata!
[/b]

listen, we don't care if we won't get it- If you want to post something in a foreign language, post a translation (it's not like you have to translate a whole book of text you know...).