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[TheGiantMidgit]

Just a little article:

Dave's Not Here

"Straight from Abdhul Karishma Image Box Studios we present to you: BUZKASHI LEAGUE SPORTING EVENT! Greetings to all three Afghani television owners: Kareemfh, Mogkrimfh and Ohgjal. We have very exciting game for you this sun setting...."

Dave here for my third and final installment of my column. Today, I'm going to tell you about the best sport manifested from the mind of mankind. Buzkashi's the name, and uh, Buzkashi's the game. It's the charming national sport of a little country called Afghanistan. You may have heard of the place. Anyhow, I hope I've piqued your interest so far, as I intend to educate you in the ways of this lovable goat corpse flinging, opponent stabbing, spectator trampling past time.

Over here in the western world, we play our sports with various specially prepared pieces of equipment, such as baseballs, footballs, basketballs, ect. In Buzkashi, there is no game ball. Instead, the object passed around and thrown about is a dead goat. Yep, a freshly slaughtered baby goat. Now, the players (tons of them, believe me) are charged with the goal of riding on horseback, grabbing the dead goat, getting away from everyone else, dragging the goat around a flag and throwing it into a goal marked with a circle on the ground. It may sound simple, but keep in mind that the other players aren't going to just let you mosey away with their goat. Nope, infact, they'll try to kill you while you drag around the dead animal. The players, aside from large, infuriated horses, come equipped with whips and knives. These are used to motivate whoever currently is holding the dead goat to put it back down, and are used to good effect.

Death is not an uncommon occurance on the battlefield, er, the game court. Oh wait, no, sorry, I forgot. There is no game court, as there are no bounds to the playing field. Because of this, the excitement of the game is not only limited to the players, but the spectators, the neighbouring towns, and pretty much anyone else who gets in their way. In one account I perused, I learned about a game that ended in the players stampeding through the stands, causing the deaths of a few spectators, rampaging across the country side until they reached a small town which they then proceeded to smash through and trample to the ground. Villagers cheered them on in their noble quest for the dead goat, caught up in the nobility of the sport. They were left cheering for quite a while it would seem, as this game in particular lasted a total of three days. There is no time limit imposed on athletic heroism.

Such is the road to glory. Buzkashi, unfortunatly a sport not currently endorsed by the Nike corporation.



And in todays match; those wearing funny little hats versus others wearing funny little hats.

[Quintopotere]

Funny article!

... not so funny sport...

[rlbell]

Reminds me of lacrosse. Not the sissy game played today, but the ritualised warfare instituted by canadian first nations people (canadian aborigines? autocthones? north american indians? people ruthlessly exploited by european adventurers [not that they did not try to ruthlessly exploit the europeans, too, but were rank amatuers at it]?) to resolve intertribal disputes without killing too many people.

Pointless aside, has anyone else noticed that many of the innocent games we played as children become bloodsports when played by adults? I had never realised that musical chairs was a full contact sport; until, I organised a game for a large number of university students. The bloodshed was a problem of the design of the chairs not accounting for people clinging to them with a will (they had a lip that was curved out of the way, but not deburred), but the bruising was the direct result of two, or more grown men and women hurling themselves onto the same chair.

[Shrek]

Hum, looks a pretty civilized sport...

I just have one question about this part of the text:

Originally posted by TheGiantMidgit@May 24 2006, 04:30 AM

... as this game in particular lasted a total of three days. There is no time limit imposed on athletic heroism.

After three days, doesn't that "freshly slaughtered baby goat" smell like a rotting corpse? And the guys (I'm not even daring to call them "players") just "kill" each other for a smelly dead goat? Does a human life worth's less than a rotten dead goat? To where is mankind "evolution" going... (or maybe I should say "de-evolution")

[heLL0]

It's easy to win this game. Just take an AK-47 an kill all the opposing players.

[Iron_Scarecrow]

How does the game end?

First to score wins?

[gregor]

when the goat is in the cirlcle. so yes i guess first to score is winner. or amybe that's just round 1.

[TheGiantMidgit]

Apparently, it ends when the goat falls apart... There are scores and such, but first score doesn't end the "game".

[velik_m]

Originally posted by Iron_Scarecrow@May 26 2006, 01:45 AM
How does the game end?

First to score wins?

it probably ends when they get bored with it.

[Grinder]

I like how you wrote the article. I do NOT like the sport, though .