«

[Omuletzu]

k: heh good one

[wormpaul]

hehe

Nice sebas :bleh:

[Timpsi]

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

[JJXB]

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked what the types were.

The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"

Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"

The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."

[Rorture]

JOKE 1

After a long night of passionate lovemaking, a blonde is lying by her lover. She turns to her lover and asks:

"Umm, I know this may be a weird question, but do you have AIDS?"

"No." replies the lover.

The blond emits a sigh of relief.

"Thank God. I wouldn't want to get that again."

JOKE 2

A man walks into a bar and orders a scotch.

"That's a bit heavy, ain't it." the bartender comments.

"I need it." replies the man, "I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend."

"That's bad." the bartender says as he hands him the scotch, "What did you tell your wife?"

"Well." the man says, "I looked her straight in the eye and said, 'Get your clothes, get your suitcase and get your behind the hell out of here."

"Fair enough." says the bartender, "What did you say to your best friend.:

"Well." the man says, "I looked him straight in the eye and said BAD DOG!!!"

[peregy]

HAAHAHAHHAHAHAHA LOL :roflol: :roflol: LOL

[Unknown Hero]

Woman came to visit her husband at the hospital. When she arrived, she told him what happened during the voyage:
She didn't have the money to pay the taxi, so the taxist told her: "You can suck, or you can sing."
The husband asked: "You sung, right?"
And the woman replied: "How could I sing if you are lying here in hospital!"

[Zarkumo]

Originally posted by Tulac@Mar 24 2005, 09:24 PM
Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

.
.
.

You forgot number

22. Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. (This is a correct English sentence...)

[Unknown Hero]

Originally posted by Zarkumo+Mar 30 2005, 09:43 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Zarkumo @ Mar 30 2005, 09:43 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Tulac@Mar 24 2005, 09:24 PM
Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

.
.
.

You forgot number

22. Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. (This is a correct English sentence...) [/b][/quote]
Yea right: Da bi bi(je)lo bilo bilo bil(je)o bilo. (dalmatinski naglasak) - this is a correct Croatian sentence (it doesn't make any sense).

[JJXB]

This good looking man walks into an agent's office in Hollywood and says,
"I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.

The agent asked, "What's your name?"

The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."

The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are gonna have to change your name."

"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."

The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will
NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."

"So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said, and he
left the agent's office.

FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awestruck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed:

"Dear Sir,

Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice."


Sincerely,

Dick Van Dyke
---------------------------
Man at the ATM

1) Park the car
2) Go to ATM
3) Insert card
4) Enter PIN
5) Take Money
6) Drive away


Woman at the ATM

1) Park the car
2) Check makeup
3) Turn off engine
4) Check makeup
5) Go to ATM
6) Hunt for ATM card in the purse.
7) Insert card
8) Hit Cancel
9) Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on
it.
10) Insert card
11) Enter PIN
12) Take cash
13) Go to car
14) Check makeup
15) Start car
16) Stop car
17) Run back to ATM
18) Take ATM card
19) Back to car
20) Check makeup
21) Start car
22) Check makeup
23) Drive for 1/2 mile
24) Release hand brake
25) Drive on
--------------------
difference beween love and marriage:
Love is holding hands in the street. * Marriage is holding arguments in the
street.
Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant. * Marriage is a Chinese
take-out.
Love is cuddling on a sofa. * Marriage is deciding on a sofa.
Love is talking about having children. * Marriage is talking about getting
away from children.
Love is going to bed early. * Marriage is going to sleep early.
Love is a romantic drive. * Marriage is a tarmac drive.
Love is losing your appetite. * Marriage is losing your figure.
Love is sweet nothing in the ear. * Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.
Love is a flickering flame. * Marriage is a flickering television.
Love is 1 drink and 2 straws. * Marriage is "Don't you think you've had
enough!".
In short, Love is blind, * Marriage is an eye opener!!!
---------------------
A lady goes on vacation to the Caribbean.
>
> Upon arriving, she meets a wonderful man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, 'What is your name?"
>
> "I can't tell you the man says
>
> Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what is his name and he always responds the same, he can't tell her
>
> On her last night there she asks again, "Can you please tell me your name
>
> 'I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me" says the islander.
>
> There is no reason for me to laugh at you," the lady says.
>
> 'Fine, Name is Snow!" the man replies.
>
> And the lady bursts into laughter, and the man gets mad and says, I knew you would make fun of it
>
> The lady replied, 'I'm not making fun of you. I'm thinking of my husband who won't believe me when I tell him that I had 10 inches of Snow in the Caribbean