«

[Expack2]

>Guess Larry Laffer from Leisure Suit Larry

"'You got it, fatso!', the man in the leisure suit says. 'Here's a tip for ya 'cuz ya look like you need one: loose some weight! No dame's gonna wanna date a tubby guy like you - even though ya have hair!'"

>punch Larry Laffer in face using mounting rage

"You attempt to supercharge your punch by using your mounting rage aimed at yours truly, but it only results in the weirdest, most laughable punch in history. So much so, all three of the people in the karaoke bar burst into laughter - especially Laffer, whose face has barely been injured by your bizarre, wimpy punch.

Unfortunately for Laffer, though, this laughter only enrages you towards him, resulting in you giving him a genuine slugger. Laffer, who previously looked like a hot stud, now looks like a hot, beaten-up loser. You must be REAL proud."

Inventory:
A survival knife
8 gold coins
A book on summoning magic
A canteen of water

[Luchsen]

>Guess Sailor Jupiter from Sailor Moon

"The tall teenage girl with long brown hair and a funny looking gun says: 'No.'"

>Guess Yoko Littner from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann

"The tall teenage girl with long brown hair and a funny looking gun says: 'No.'"

>Ask artificial intelligence Watson: "What is the the girl's name?"

"Unfortunately, Watson is competing on 'Jeopardy!' at the moment."

>Ask B-Wolf: "What is the girl's name?"

"B-Wolf will identify the girl, but perhaps you have to write him a threatening PM beforehand."

Inventory:
A survival knife
8 gold coins
A book on summoning magic
A canteen of water

[B-Wolf]

>ask B-Wolf: "What is the girl's name?"

“B-Wolf responds, 'When I type in the description I was originally thinking of Iji from the indie game of the same name, but thought the description itself would be generic enough to fit a variety of characters.'”

>guess Iji Kataiser from Iji

“'You got it,' the tall teenage girl says, 'now you have 3 free karaoke songs and a chance of winning $500 if you can outperform the defending champion.'”

>steal leisure suit

“Throwing away what little moral values you had, you steal the white leisure suit off an unconscious Larry Laffer. You must be real proud of yourself you murderous, fat thief.”

>challenge defending champion to karaoke contest

“'Unfortunately,' the one half of Tuxedo Mask says,'The defending champion isn't here at the moment, but if you come back by tonight I'm sure he'll be waiting.'

Inventory:
A survival knife
8 gold coins
A book on summoning magic
A canteen of water
A white leisure suit

[Expack2]

>wait until night

"You spend your time chatting it up with Iji and the two halves of the Tuxedo Man (which is really like talking to the whole Tuxedo Man twice), playing cards with a underpants-wearing Laffy Laffer, and otherwise trying NOT to make yourself look more like a fat, murderous thief than you already have.

Eventually, night falls, and, as if on cue, the champ arrives."

>look at champ

"Holy mother of...it's Elvis! How are you going to be the King? THE KING!?

...No, wait. Elvis is still dead. This dude is, in fact, Gary Owens. At least, that's what it says on the ubiquitous 'Hi, My Name Is...' sticker on his stereotypical Caribbean vacation attire embossed with what appears to be some sort of mountain-shaped logo."

>challenge Gary Owens to karaoke contest

"'You're on, fatso!', Gary says in a deep-voiced, narrator-like way.

Iji explains the rules to you, 'Follow along with the song, and sing the lyrics which appear on the screen. If you want to bail without losing any money, just press this button at any time.' She then proceeds to give you a button labeled 'Nuke'. You have no clue why a 'bail' button would be labeled 'nuke'."

Inventory:
A survival knife
8 gold coins
A book on summoning magic
A canteen of water
A white leisure suit

[Luchsen]

>Sing

"You are horribly bad at singing 'Dancing Queen' by BB of ABBA. You achieve meager 101 points.

Lyrically, Gary Owens seems to have a completely other song ... but he get's every single note right - 666 points, for starters."

Inventory:
A survival knife
8 gold coins
A book on summoning magic
A canteen of water
A white leisure suit
101 points at karaoke

[B-Wolf]

>Sing

“'Onto round two,' Gary Owens says. The next song is 'Across the Universe' by the Beatles. You try singing the song the best you can, but let's face it, you just can't sing. You get a measly 79 points, while Gary Owens gets 745 points this round.”

>Use water

“Thinking that drinking some water might help you to sing better in the final round, you drink some of the water in your canteen. You feel refreshed and are now confident that you will sing better than you did before. Singing 'better than you did before' however, does not mean singing better than Gary Owens.”

>Examine book on summoning magic

“An idea goes though your head. Maybe you can summon something that can sing better than you and then simply lip-sync the words of the next song. You then look through your book for any sort of creature that might be able to sing. The best candidates for the job appear to be; an angel, a mermaid, and a bohemian screech crow.”

Inventory:
A survival knife
8 gold coins
A book on summoning magic
A canteen of water
A white leisure suit
180 points at karaoke

[Lulu_Jane]

> Summon Bohemian Screech Cow

You wave your arms about in what you assume is a mystical way and chant the words of deep and ancient magic in an attempt to summon the Bohemian Screech Cow.

Black oily smoke begins to curl out from the book like thick coiling pythons, from somewhere far away you begin to hear the steady pulsating thud thud thud of prehistoric drums. The drums get louder. The smoke covers everything around you with a greasy and primeval malevolence, it obscures your vision completely. You can hear Gary Owens coughing far far away in the distance somewhere.

From within the twisting undulating black smoke you see the form of The Bohemian Screech Cow take shape, her red eyes glow like coals from hell and her teeth glisten and drip with freshly chewed satanic grass. The Bohemian Screech Cow takes a quick look around the room, rolls her eyes and expertly roundhouse kicks you in the head.

You are knocked unconscious.

You awaken in a large gold paneled room. The Bohemian Screech Cow is sitting in front of you, she is wearing a large turban and smoking an elegant water pipe. You smell the pungent grass of from the water pipe and Gary Owens is nowhere to be seen.


Inventory:
A survival knife
8 gold coins
A book on summoning magic
A canteen of water
A white leisure suit
180 points at karaoke
A giant headache

[Luchsen]

>Talk to Bohemian Screech Cow

"The Bohemian Screech Cow says: 'You have successfully* attended the karaoke contest. Here you have a 'Jumanji - A Jungle Adventure Game' board game (double the words, double the fun!) as souvenir.'

*For people without experience in the grading language of study groups/school clubs/extracurricular activities:
'attended' = you were there, but got 0 (in words: zero) points
'successfully attended' = >0 (in words: more than zero) points, but lost
'attended with great success' = YOU WON! ... almost"

Inventory:
A survival knife
8 gold coins
A book on summoning magic
A canteen of water
A white leisure suit
180 points at karaoke
A giant headache
A "Jumanji" board game

[Expack2]

>use Jumanji game

"You decide to try and 'roll into' Jumanji. However, no matter how many times you roll the dice or damage the board, nothing happens."

>summon Mah Lazar!

"Check the spellbook to see if such a summoning exists."

>read spellbook for Mah Lazar! spell

"After reading through the spellbook, you notice a spell called 'Mah Lazar!', which, if summoned, will p0wn anyone or anything in its path. You also note that it requires the knowledge of some bizarre school of magic to be able to summon this spell."

>summon Mah Lazar!

"Disregarding the requirement in the spellbook, you psych yourself, get crazy, and read aloud the incantation in the book:

IMA FIRIN MAH LAZAR!!! WAAGH!!!!!

Instead of Mah Lazar! firing out of your mouth, like depicted in the book, nothing happens..."

Inventory:
A survival knife
8 gold coins
A book on summoning magic
A canteen of water
A white leisure suit
180 points at karaoke
A giant headache
A damaged "Jumanji" board game

[B-Wolf]

>look around

“You are still in the gold panel room. On one side of the room is the bohemian screech cow. On the other side is an exit way with bright sunlight shining though.”

>talk to bohemian screech cow

“The bohemian screech cow looks at you for a moment and then says, 'If you go out the exit, you will arrive back at the karaoke bar, but if you do one simple task for me, I will teleport you far away from this hostile land.'

You look at her for a minute wondering if what she is saying is true. If it is, then this might be a easy way to get away from this land.”

>ask about task

“'The task is simple,' the bohemian screech cow says, 'summon my father here so that I may visit him, and I will teleport you far away from this land.'”

>ask how to summon

“'First,' the bohemian screech cow says, 'you must write his name down on the floor, once you have done that, summon him like you summoned me.” The bohemian screech cow then smokes her water pipe for a bit and then says to you, 'by the way, his name is Poodleduke.' Holding your breath, you try not to laugh at the very ridiculous sounding name.”


Inventory:
A survival knife
8 gold coins
A book on summoning magic
A canteen of water
A white leisure suit
180 points at karaoke
A giant headache
A damaged "Jumanji" board game