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[Sebatianos]

Which is the most transvestite city in the world?

Edinburgh!


(In case you don't get it: Edinburgh is correctly pronounced as: Edd-in-bra).

[ReamusLQ]

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

[Sebatianos]

LOL an oldie, but a goody!

[BeefontheBone]

I don't think many people pronounce it "edd-in-bra" bud - more "edd in bruh"

[Sebatianos]

Oooooooops - I ment to post that joke in: "the worst joke thread"...

[drumminfreek]

i have a stupid cop joke...lets see if i can get it right.

A cop pulls over a car.
the guy in the car says "is there a problem officer?"
the cop says "No, but for such great driving techniques im gonna give you $500"
the guy in the drivers seat says "oh, so you didnt see me speeding?thats good"
the cop gives a puzzled look.
the guy in the passanger seat says "Yeah, and im not surprised you cant smell all that alcohol on his breath"
then the guy in the backseat says "Yeah and you dropped your weed back here" and he holds up a bag of drugs
And the officer now has a look like this on >> :eeeeeh:
then they here pounding from the trunk.
the officer says "umm, whats all that pounding?"
the guy driving says "oh, don't worry thats just jimmy"
the cop says "THATS IT! YOURE ALL UNDER ARREST!"
they get outta the car and the guy that was driving says to the guy that was in the passenger seat "JEEZ! hes really mad! imagine how mad he wouldve been if we woulda told him we stole thet car!"
LOL


:Brain: :Brain:
:happybday: to me!

[Flop]

Here goes:

USA, England and Russia conducts a big military excersice. One night during the excersice a soldier from each nation gets lost, and the 3 of them meets up around a campfire. As they're eating they start talking about how they're treated in their respective armies. "In the Russian army we get 600 calories a day" says the Russian. "Well, that's nothing. In the British army we get 800 a day". "That's very nice, but in the US army we get 1000 calories a day" says the American. The Russian soldier is getting pretty annoyed by now, and says "That's Impossible! No man can eat that much cabbage!".

[Wildcatsa]

This is long but ohhhhhh so true. I know cause I work in this bus.!

EXCERPT from "A Hotel is a Funny Place ..."

Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-size Dial. Please remove the six
unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and in the
shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you. S. Berman



Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid she will be back tomorrow (Thurs) from her
day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on
top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This
leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the
management is to leave 3 soaps daily I hope this is satisfactory. If
anything else comes up please call Mrs. Corum in the linen room.

Kathy (relief maid)



Dear Maid (I hope you are my regular maid),

Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the
little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you
had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am
going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own
bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camaus which are now on
the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please
remove them.

S. Berman



Dear Mr. Berman,

My day off was last Wed so the relief maid left 3 soaps which we are
instructed by the management. I took the six soaps which were in your
way in the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I
put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't
remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the
medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to
when you checked in last Monday. Also I did place 3 hotel soaps on your
shelf as per my instructions from the management since you left no
instructions to the contrary. Please let me know if I can be of further
assistance or call the linen room her name is Mrs. Korm.

Have a pleasant stay.

Your regular maid, Dotty



Dear Mr. Berman

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this a.m. that you
called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid
service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept
my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future
complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention.
Call extension 1108 between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.

Thank you.

Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper



Dear Miss Carmen,

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
business at 7:45 a.m. and don't get back before 5:30 or 6 p.m. That's
the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty.
I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little
bars of soap. I did not want a new maid. The new maid you assigned me
must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3
bars of soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3
bars on the bathroom shelf. In just five days here I have accumulated 24
little bars of soap. I'm beginning to dread the next 9 days. Why are you
doing this to me?

S. Berman



Dear Mr. Berman,

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your
room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance,
please call extension 1108 between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.

Thank you.

Elaine Carmen, House keeper



Dear Mr. Kensedder,

My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room
including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to
call the bellhop to bring me a bar of soap so I could take a shower. He
brought me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

S. Berman



Dear Mr. Berman,

I have informed our Housekeeper, Elaine Karmin, of your soap problem. I
cannot understand why there were no soaps in your room since our maids
are instructed to leave 3 soaps each time they service a room. The
situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for
the inconvenience. If you prefer Cashmere Bouquet to Camay, please
contact Mrs. Karmin on extension 1108.

Thank you.

Martin L. Kensedder, Assistant Manager



Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came last night
and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bar of Camay. I
want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 58 bars of
soap in here? Al I want is my bath-size Dial. Give me back my bath-size
Dial.

S. Berman



Dear Mr. Berman,

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then
you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I
personally returned them; the 24 Camays which had been taken plus the 3
daily Camays. I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets.
Obviously your maid Kathy did not know I had returned your soaps so she
also brought 24 Camays plus the three daily Camays. I don't know where
you got the idea that this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to
locate some hotel-size bath-size Ivory which I left in your room. We are
doing our best here to satisfy you.

Elaine Carmen, Houskeeper



Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Just a brief note to bring you up to date on my latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess:

On shelf under medicine cabinet: 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack
of 2.

On Kleenex dispenser: 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.

On bedroom dresser: 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4
hotel-size bath-size Ivory, 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.

Inside medicine cabinet: 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.

In Shower soap dish: 6 Camay (very moist).

On northeast corner of tub: 1 Cashmere Bouquet (slightly used).

On northwest corner of tub: 6 Camay in 2 stacks of 3.

Please Ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more
than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill
is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap
deliveries. One more item. I have purchased another bar of bath-size
Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid future
misunderstandings.

S. Berman

[Danny252]

and that is funny... how, exactly?

[ReamusLQ]

Originally posted by Danny252@May 20 2005, 01:41 PM
and that is funny... how, exactly?

I find it not so HAHA Funny, but just really damn amusing :bleh: