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[Mighty Midget]

First, this is a serious topic, so please don't spam or troll or anything like that. If you have a constructive reply, by all means post it but if you don't have anything constructive to say, please don't say anything at all and I'll ask the mods now to keep this topic tidy.

Ok, I have come to some sort of realization. I'm pretty much consumed by negativity. I'm at the point where the negative no longer is negative but "neutral" or even positive. It's as turned upside down and inside out as it can possibly be. It's definitely not what I want and I'm looking for ways to turn this back on the right track. In short I have to learn to be really positive and not just fake positivity as I have done far too often.
It's going to be a tough one. I looked up on the web ways of changing my thoughts into something more positive and constuctive, and (I'm not kidding you here) my head hurt from what I saw as a load of hooey and I was actually looking for excuses to not look at the sites. I mean, it is like I'm protecting my negativity in some way even though I should do the exact opposite. Ok, I found these 10 "rules" that are supposed to lead to more positive thinking. What startled me was I knew I have failed every one of them and when I read them I constantly looked for the negative side of it: "It's going to be a really good day", "Yeah? It's cloudy, probably gonna rain soon", "set a goal and complete it", "yeah? what for?" you get my drift?. I'm serious about this, it is that bad, it's no good at all and I need to do something about it. Problem is I have no idea what I can do as I honestly can't say I trust I'm able to be positive without darkening it with my negativity..

I'd appreciate any reply or discussion around this subject.

[Quintopotere]

It seems you have some irony, that could help, or it could help to lead you to depression... I'm serious. Maybe you should starting with using the irony in a more "happy way"

That's the first thing I thought while reading your post, I hope that could help... maybe later will come to me a useful idea to help you really...

[Eagle of Fire]

Go see a psychiatrist. Seriously. That's what they are paid for.

If you see everything in such a dark way, you are probably in the first stage of a depression. Which can be either good or bad. Depression is one of the most common mental illness in today's world, and one of the most often overlooked. Second thing could be a burnout.

Anyhow, if you really want to get serious about solving this problem, seek professional help. Otherwise you might get over it, but it sure won't be a "serious" solution and might come back anytime.

If you think it's not a serious problem enough to see professional help, read books about people who succeeded in life and positive subjects. You can't switch the way you're thinking in a day or two, it will take time.

[Icewolf]

Something I figured out in my young life is that I am best in the situations of highest tension that demand my greatest effort and concentration. The situations that leave the least opportunity for me to ponder, since my brain needs all my "thinking power" for concentrating.
It surpresses the "Oh no, what could possibly go wrong?"-thoughts.

Another thing for me is structurising. Working or acting step by step leaves less space for going astray(mentally, that is).

And you need people to talk or even discuss. They might tell you, that you are acting fine but other things form the problem in your situation.

And maybe EoF is right. See a mind-doc, who analyses the stuff togehter with you.

[Mighty Midget]

Thank you guys. I really appreciate the feedback.

About a depression, this isn't a depression in it's early state. I have had it and (it seems to me now) been nursing it and protecting it for about 25 years now. I have seen pros but they pretty much gave me two thumbs down saying I'm too old to ever see any changes, that anyone my age with a long term depression will never get rid of it and that I can live the rest of my life on various pills. That is not an option. However, this odd doc I got in contact with recently has a different opinion and I'm currently waiting to hear from him about any therapy.

I just came back from one of my walks and while walking it struck me how similar my reaction to seeing those positive thinking sites were to my phobic reactions. I was, to put it simply, scared of challenging my negativity, like I have kind of grown to believe my negativity is helping me in any way. I know that is a lie but at the same time I still sort of believe negative thoughts are good for me in some obscure way. At the moment I have to repeat it to myself over and over again that negativity is a problem, not a solution, and as long as I have to keep doing that it's fairly obvious I'm not out of it yet.

About any irony in the first post: There you go, I have read it again and I don't find any irony there. I have gotten so used to thinking and talking the way I do I don't even realize there was anythng in that post anyone would see as irony. To me it's just "the way it is" if you know what I mean. On using irony the positive way? Much of the same, really, and the fact that I just don't know what positivism is. If Mr. Positive came walking down the street with smileys all over and a huge sign saying "don't worry be happy" I wouldn't know. That is one of the great challenges to me, to learn what positivism means. To me it's just a word with no particular meaning other than it's something I believe I need.

On talking to people. Well, that's a challenge too. When you don't see how your sour or ironic remarks can possibly be seen as negative it's hard to avoid pissing people off. Another thing is I have just recently started the work of changing myself and I have never given this stuff much thought, rather I have ran away from it. Part of what I have to do now is to understand what I'm doing and why I am the way I am. As I said, it's a load of work when I'm almost phobic of looking into myself and running away from myself has become my "natural" reaction. Ok, I see the irony coming: You might have noticed I spent quite a huge amount of time on AB and AR. Before that I spent my time at the pubs. That has always been, I suppose, me running. Also, While running I have been faking a cheerful mood. I don't know, perhaps a bit how I wanted it to be and part what I wanted other to believe. Most probably both. To me, this topic is about talking to others while peeling myself to try to get a better idea of the way I act. I won't use smileys here like I have used in the sb, I need to stop pretending I'm laughing or smiling when I'm not. Talking to others won't do any good if I keep hiding.

I need structure. That I know, but it hasn't been in my thoughts for so long I will have to work on it just to feel at least a grain of structure. It's so long forgotten I don't even know how it will do me good and it's easy to forget about it and just go randomly through the day again. Seeing it mentioned helps a bit there so yeah thanks, that's a good advice.

Just for the record: I'm also visiting this online shrink forum where I have gotten a few words of gospel. I guess I'm at the point where I need to learn about myself for real.

[Playbahnosh]

Holy $&@#! Oh no you don't! There can be only ONE miserable freak on AB, and that's ME, dude! So bugger off before I unleash my giant wave of whine on yer behind!:notrust:



:amused: j/k
Seriously now, I have some advices for you if you are willing to take it from a guy who is, too, being down under. I'm no shrink, but I know a thing or two about depression, and the world being against you n stuff.
First of all, it is a good thing that you at least realised, that your life is taken over by negativity. It's graet progress. The next thing, there are some question you gotta ask YOURSELF. First of all "Do I want to be negative/depressed all my life?", this is an important question. If you relise that, there is another way besides the way you go now, it will be great. You gotta gather all your strenght and face this question for real. IT will be hard, but you gotta "face your demons", so to speak. When you wholeheartedly decide, that you don't wanna be miserable anymore, you gotta take the first step. Next question "Why am I being miserable / What's the cause?". If you have at least a vague idea about what causing your depression, try to change that thing, leave it or at least try to look at it different, be it your family, life, work...etc. Believe me, the first step is the hardest, it will be hard, very hard. Every inch of your body denies change, but you gotta move forward. If you make the first step, it will all be much easier, and go on it's own. You still gotta work on it hard, but when its set in motion, it will all be better. I know, experience. Oh, and don't let ANYTHING stop you! Its YOUR life, and nobody know better what's good for you than yourself, if you really committed. Getting a phsicologist is good, but he can't do miracles, YOU have to change YOURSELF, and only YOU can do it. I've never been to a shrink in my life, but I think he'll say something like this himself.

Anyway, I don't wanna tell you what to do, it's your stuff, dude. But if you wanna talk about it, PM me, I'll be here.

[Quintopotere]

Too long posts to read for such a lazy one like me... so I'll just add a little comment

Originally Posted by Eagle of Fire

Go see a psychiatrist. Seriously. That's what they are paid for.

Psychiatrists are quite useless, I think.
A good person can help much more than a bad one with a degree...
So, find positive people, whatever they do to gain money!