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[Timpsi]

So the Eurovision song contest semi-final was yesterday. Finland got kicked out as expected, and the show offered a lot of material for unfounded, unconstructive criticism.

First the ones that made it through to the final:

Switzerland is one of those with a whole lotta hype around them this year. They've got an Estonian girl band with a song that has been produced in Germany.. Very odd, but as the rules allow it, then fine. The song itself is actually almost okay; the girls play quite well, it has a catchy rhythm in it, and it keeps building momentum. However, the lyrics make absolutely no sense whatsoever, and the lead singer has a way too thin voice for such heavy music. The bass-player looks nice.

Norway has a glamrock band. The song is very generic, but the sense of self-humour works. However, I was annoyed by the band blatantly milking points from the Ukrainians by waving an orange flag, and the band lacks the charisma that is necessary for successful glamrock.

Croatia was semi-okay. The song was a typical one at Eurovision: a melancholic guy singing about loneliness. However, the it all grows towards the end, and the manic drummer - who doesn't go with the lead singer at all, actually - saves the day. Very regular.

Moldova had an alternative band with ethnic stuff blended in, and an old woman banging a drum (of whom the song is also about). The grandma is a gimmick, of course, but it probably works for younger audience. The song itself wasn't anything special, though.

Hungary had also ethnic music blended into pop, and it worked for a while. However, the lead singer wasn't all that good (although pretty, classy, and somehow friendly-looking), and her voice broke into false notes in several occasions. The song works quite well, though I've never been a fan of over-used lalalalala-bits. Glad to see some real dancing instead of generic disco, too.

Denmark did surprisingly well. Beforehand the song sounded very generic and dull, but the show on the stage worked, and it was quite nice to listen to. No gimmicks either, so they deserved their place in the final.

The fact that Macedonia made it to the final was a surprise to me. The song wasn't anything special, and the lead singer was an annoying poser (who apparently had even tried to cheat one of our commentators into believing that he had a Finnish grandma). Meh.

Israel had a pretty girl with big boobies. It worked. She sang well, though, and I don't mind watching her big... eyes again in the final.

The Romanian singer also had big boobies (that almost popped out from the costume). The show was energetic, though, and the drums worked fine. However, the voice of the singer was stuck depe in her throat, and it was as if she'd had to struggle to get it out of there.

Latvia.. Latvia.. what did they do? Oh! Right, the two boys. They were the first in the show to sing clearly (with the previous ones it was occasionally difficult to determine if they were actually singing in English or some other language), but it was such a typical performance that I pretty much fell asleep before the halfway. At least I don't remember most of it. Ireland won with this kind of stuff like 10 years ago, but enough is enough. And guys.. it's a love song. It looks really bad when you turn and sing to each other.


Then to those that got kicked out:

Iceland was awful. It was aerobics on stage: dancing to generic, mundane pop music in shorts and sleeveless tops. Bleargh. And what the hell was the figure swimming thing towards the end?

Austria - WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? An ethno-looking band wearing jogging suits and singing about a Cuban girl? Latin stuff with the singer wearing a traditional Austrian costume? Argh! The singer was cute, though.

Belarus.. if I were a Belarussian, I'd be really embarassed. The woman was unable to sing, her English was horrible, she was blatantly ugly, and the costume-changing thing was so tacky that it made me laugh. The shameless flirting felt rather disgusting, too. Ew.

And Portugal! They were so amazingly bad! The song gave me a headache, and the dancing wasn't in synch with the music, and it all looked like they were going to get a heart attack any moment. They were trying so damn hard that watching it wasn't fun for anyone.

The Dutch singer did all the moves and manners of Whitney Houston, but sang a dozen times worse. Long way to go.

Finland was god-awful, as usual. An old, tired guy with a boring song. Meh.

Estonia had an S Club 7 thing with 5 girls. Works with adolescents, not with anyone with taste.

Ireland was horrible. The singers couldn't sing (they were like damn chipmunks), and there's something very dubious about two siblings doing a song about love. And the Irish dance bit was a tacky attempt to add something ethnic into the completely shallow song.

Poland tried to have a show, but.. er.. no. Lots of wasted energy there. Replace the singer, the song, the costumes, and the crew, and maybe then there would be a chance.

Right. And now to wait for the finals tomorrow. It looks like there will be a whole lotta crap in there as well.