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Old 02-09-2008, 11:51 AM   #1
arete
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Smile Favourite Cow Jokes

These are the Middle-Eastern ones:

BAHRAINISM: You have two cows. Some high government official steals one, milks it, sells the milk and pockets the profit. The government tells you there is just one cow and not enough milk for the people. The people riot and scream death to the government and carry Iranian flags. The Parliament, after thinking for 11 months, decides to employ ten Bahrainis to milk all the cows at the same time to cut back on unemployment.

DUBAISM: You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them in all magazines. You create a Cow City or Milk Town for them. You sell off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legitimate and shady investors who hope to resell the non-existent milk for a 100% profit in two years' time. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cows first to attract attention.

IRAQISM
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

KUWAITISM: Upon hearing how popular cows are in the Gulf region, a group of young male Kuwaitis buy a herd. Unfortunately, they attach so many accessories (ski-racks, 3500 watt sub-woofers, nipple lights, etc.) that the cows almost collapse under the weight. The herd are all tragically killed in a massive pile-up while their owners are attempting to perform donuts by the Towers.

LEBANONISM: You have two cows. One is owned by Syria and the other is controlled by the government.

OMANISM: You have three cows. They are all healthy and produce good quality milk for sale at the market. Unfortunately, your son discovers that the money he received at the market can be used to buy beer. Your grand expansion plans for a new high-tech farm are put on hold indefinitely.

SAUDIISM: You have two cows. Since milking the cow involves nipples, the government decides to ban all cows in public. The only method to milk a cow is to have a cow on one side of a curtain and a guy milking the cow on the other side.

QATARISM: You have two cows. They've been sitting there for decades and no one realizes that cows can produce milk. You see what Dubai is doing, you go crazy and start milking the heck out of the cows in the shortest time possible. Then you realize no one wanted the milk in the first place.

TALIBANISM: You have two cows. At first, the government makes them wear burkas, but later shoots them because they are Hindu religious symbols.

YEMENISM: You once had a cow. But then it got kidnapped.

Last edited by arete; 02-09-2008 at 12:05 PM.
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Old 02-09-2008, 12:02 PM   #2
Halindir
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man, a combination of the two best things in this world; cowjokes and religionbashing
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Old 02-09-2008, 12:03 PM   #3
arete
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Default And the non-Communist, non-MidEastern ones...

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

CAPITALISM -- HONG KONG: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt-equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock's price goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

POLISH CORPORATION (Sorry, Horseman )
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow.

CALIFORNIAN CORPORATION
You have a cow and a bull.
The bull is depressed.
It has spent its life living a lie.
It goes away for two weeks and comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
You now have two cows.
One makes milk; the other doesn't.
You try to sell the transgender cow, but its lawyer sues you for discrimination.
You lose in court.
You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.
You change your business to beef. PETA pickets your farm.
Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.
Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows".
Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm "for the children."
The legislature passes a law giving your farm to Mexico.
The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats.
You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations and the cow starves to death.
The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.

DEMOCRACY -- BRITISH: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

DEMOCRACY -- REPRESENTATIVE: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both cows and drafts you.

EUROPEAN UNIONISM: You have two goats. The EU declares them to be fruit in order to conform to a rare Belgian custom of making Cow Jam (jam being required to have at least 45% fruit).

EUROPEAN UNIONISM: You have two cows. The EU develops a quota system that limits the gas emissions from flatulent cows. You sell your carbon allotment, not the milk.

PACIFISM: You have two cows. They stampede you.

SOCIALISM -- BUREAUCRATIC: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.

UNITED NATIONISM: You have two cows. France vetoes you from milking them. The United States and Britain veto the cows from milking you. New Zealand abstains.

WIKIPEDIANISM: These cows are temporarily protected from milking. Please resolve disputes on the talk page. Protection is not intended to express support of German or Polish cows.

:nuts: Love it!

Last edited by arete; 02-09-2008 at 12:06 PM.
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Old 02-09-2008, 12:04 PM   #4
arete
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There, I think that covers everthing...
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Old 02-09-2008, 01:24 PM   #5
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SOVIET RUSSIA: You have four cows. You count them again, and see you have eleven cows. You count them again, and you see you have three. You curse the thieves in the government, drink another flask of vodka and leave the two cows to fend for themselves.
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Old 05-09-2008, 11:26 AM   #6
Dave
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arete View Post

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
Damn! Don't tell me you think that women are less important than cows!!
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Old 05-09-2008, 11:53 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arete View Post
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
It is said that we have lot of vacation?!

You forgot to say that the cows had to fill out 27 forms before they were officially permitted to be milked under strict conditions.
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Old 13-09-2008, 01:22 AM   #8
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Haha, those are hilarious! Love the Wikipedianism one. Just wondering, where did you guys get these, or did you just make them up?
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