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[Expack2]

>throw magazine at voices

"And just how do you propose to do THAT?"

>exit hut

"Feeling unusually brave, you decide to venture outside the hut. The girl desperately tries to keep you inside the hut, which works since she is in better shape than you. She whispers, 'What are you DOING?! Are you TRYING to get yourself killed?'"

>use Atheism on girl

"You attempt to convince the girl to let you leave using your Atheistic logic, but to no avail.

Unfortunately for you and the girl, this conversation is taking place in front of the doorway - and right in front of 'they'."

>throw magazine at they

"You throw the magazine of young women in bathing suits at 'they', a bunch of English-speaking, odd-looking British big game hunters. After seeing the cover of the magazine, the hunters..."

Inventory:
A brass lock
A Master Ball
Atheism
A book on summoning magic

[DarthHelmet86]

"...walk into the hut and quickly tie your fat self back up again.

"For trying to run we are going to torture you and just because we are evil as can be we shall include the girl too." With that the four men line up and take a few deep breaths. Before you know what is happening they are busting out the worst rap you have ever heard in your life. Their dry British accents ruin all the rhymes and they can't keep any kind of time."

>Cast spell to call dragon

"You try desperately to recall the words in the book, however as you think back you remember all the spells needed your hands free."

The rap lyrics are getting worse and worse, the girl is crying in the corner with anger in her eyes ever time she looks at you."

Inventory:
A brass lock
A Master Ball
Atheism
A book on summoning magic

[Expack2]

>yell insults about Queen of England

"You...what?! Well, alright. You asked for it!

You decide to do something completely suicidal and, at the top of your lungs, proceed to say everything in your vocabulary to insult the Queen of England. Naturally, the hunters, being proud Englishmen, are taken aback at your insulting of their monarch. So much so, they proceed to beat you senseless."

>look around

"You attempt to survey your surroundings, but you are in too much pain to even open your eyelids.

However, you can barely feel something...something out of the ordinary..."

>wait

"Since you have nothing to do but wait until the pain (hopefully) subsides, you relax. This is made easier by having Atheism in your inventory, as it helps you accept reality in a stoic way."

>wait

"The pain has subsided for the most part, but you are now aware of loud, bubbling noises, hissing, an unbearable feeling of heat, the now-familiar feeling of being tied up, and a tight, sticky something-or-other holding your lips together."

>open eyes

"You open your eyes, only to realize one thing: the hunters have hung you over the side of a volcano - which appears to be ready to erupt."

>load game

"Sorry, but loading AND saving games are currently not allowed in this text adventure. Even if they were, I can tell you right now that neither you nor your fellow players have saved any games at ANY point during this adventure."

[B-Wolf]

>look around

“You look around the volcano to see if there is any hope of you surviving this. Unfortunately, there is no hope of escape for you and there is no chance that the volcano will not erupt. You relax and try to accept the fact that you are going to die and that your adventure ends here.

All of the sudden, you ropes are broken and you land in what feels like arms.”

>look at arms

“You look up to see that you are being held by a woman with a huge pair of wings. On her back is the little girl from the hut. 'Sir,' she says to you, 'I have come to save you.' You then realize that the girl used Angel Summoning Magic to help you escape from your fiery execution.

The angel brings you and the girl to a small village far away from the hut you were trapped in before.”

>talk to girl

“The girl looks at you and after a brief pause says, 'Sir, you should get away from this land as soon as possible or they will try to find you and kill you.' The girl then gives you a bag and says, 'this should help you escape this land.' After that, the girl hops on the back of the angel and flies away.

>examine bag

“Inside the bag you find; a survival knife, a book on summoning magic, 8 gold coins, and a canteen of water. When you go to put all the items in your inventory, you realize that the British, big game hunting rappers took all the items you had before. You put your new items in your inventory and walk into town with feelings of sadness in your heart.”

Inventory:
A survival knife
8 gold coins
A book on summoning magic
A canteen of water
Feelings of sadness

[Luchsen]

>Look

"You are at the village square which has a sign standing on its middle. To the north is the administration for village affairs, to the east is some shop, and to the west is a karaoke bar."

>Read sign

"The sign reads: 'Here is no fountain.'"

Inventory:
A survival knife
8 gold coins
A book on summoning magic
A canteen of water
Feelings of sadness

[Expack2]

>replace no on sign with letter a using knife

"You attempt to X out the word 'no' on the sign with the letter A, but you fail because of two reasons. One, you failed to notice the sign is a metal one. Two, you aren't strong enough to make a dent in the sign using the knife, which is perfectly capable of doing so in the right hands."

>enter store

"As you enter the store, a man with an enormous grin on his face rushes by you with a small box in his hands."

>look

"You are inside the store. It's a small place, with hundreds of items, including food, water jugs, and paltry baubles which you aren't remotely interested in, organized in large piles which line the walls and floor. There's barely enough room for 3 people in the store with all the clutter.

Up at what appears to be the counter, a young woman, dressed rather fashionably and having several small earrings on her earlobes, is having a rather loud conversation with the old, frail-looking male cashier."

>listen to conversation

"'...I told you already, young lady! That man who just left bought my last box of #28 screw heads,' the old cashier says. 'And I don't care HOW important you say your friend is in this Artimus place - I'm NOT looking in the back for more!'

The young woman looks up at the ceiling, covers her eyes in frustration, and yells in anger. 'You just don't understand, do you? If I don't find some new #28 screws soon, my friend's auto-mail will fall apart - and he'll LITERALLY be without an arm and a leg.'

After a few more attempts by the young woman to convince the cashier otherwise, the conversation ends. The young woman proceeds to look through the piles of nails in hopes to find the right ones for her friend, while the old cashier looks onward in contempt."

[CaitSith]

> Laugh at reference
".... lol?"

> look around shop
"Remarkably, it hasn't changed in the last five seconds, anyway, why are you even here? there's no food to be found, so I can't possibly see you being interested"

> Zork!
"Oh, f**k off"

Inventory:
A survival knife
8 gold coins
A book on summoning magic
A canteen of water
Mounting rage, directed at the narrator

[Expack2]

>ask cashier about transportation options

"You walk up to the cashier and ask him about your options for leaving town.

'Well, fatso, ya got several options. You can leave by bus, by caravan, or by airplane. The plane, the Amazon Queen, is the fastest way out, while the caravan is the slowest. I can sell you ways to get on any of the three.'"

>ask about transportation pricing

'I hear Joe King, the plane pilot and charterer, charges on a case-by-case basis.' The young woman adds, 'Yeah, and he gives cute women deep discounts. He offered ME a ride out for free! He was all, "Hello, mama! How's about I take you wherever you wanna go for free 'cuz you're so cute!" When I explained I would be awhile looking for some screw heads, he started this whole suave dude thing. I think he was trying to be sexy, but instead, he just made a fool of himself.' 'Yeah, he's a real womanizer, Mr. King,' the cashier replies, chuckling. 'Not as much as SOME folks I know, but still...'"

[press any key to continue]

>(pressed ENTER key)

"'...anyways, a bus token'll cost you 50 bucks each ("'cuz we ain't exactly in friendly territory" the cashier whispers), and you'll need 5,000 tokens to get outta this country and into the nearest one, Spielburg. If you want to take your chances with a caravan, I can arrange to have you join the next one for about $500.'"

Inventory:
A survival knife
8 gold coins
A book on summoning magic
A canteen of water
Mounting rage, directed at the narrator

[B-Wolf]

>give gold coins to cashier

“The cashier looks at the gold coin you presented to him and then says, 'I'm sorry bub, but I can't do anything with those coins. You'll have to go and get them exchanged for some local currency.”

>walk out of store

“You walk out of the store. You are back at the village square.”

>go to karaoke bar

“You walk to the karaoke bar. Inside, you see; a tall teenage girl with long brown hair and a funny looking gun, a sharp looking man in a tuxedo, and a funny looking man with black hair. The last of the three is wearing some sort of white leisure suit.”

Inventory:
A survival knife
8 gold coins
A book on summoning magic
A canteen of water
Mounting rage, directed at the narrator

[Luchsen]

>Talk to all

"They synchronously say: 'You get one free karaoke song for each of us you are able to identify.'"

>Guess Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon

"The sharp looking man in a tuxedo cries: 'The Dark Kingdom has told you that! The Dark Kingdom has told you that!', and in his anger he plungs his right foot so deep into the earth that his whole leg goes in; and then in rage he pulls at his left leg so hard with both hands that he tears himself in two. Then the now two Tuxedo Masks jump away like Tuxedo Masks and tiggers are bound to do."

Inventory:
A survival knife
8 gold coins
A book on summoning magic
A canteen of water
Mounting rage, directed at the narrator