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[gregor]

Originally posted by rlbell@Mar 12 2006, 12:50 AM
One of the lesser known events in the gospel was when Jesus tried to save a blasphemer from execution by stoning:

Jesus: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!

The crowd went silent for a moment, but a rock came hurtling in from the back of the crowd and struck the blasphemer dead. Jesus immediately fell into a profound funk and exclaimed "I was trying to make a point, mother!".

ah are oyu sure it wasn't Bryan from monthy pythons commedy: Life of Bryan?

[blastradius14]

How do you tell a squirrel is gay? It wants to chew on your nuts!

Wait a minute, this isn't the bad joke thread...


There once was a man that could duplicate anything he touched. So, he had chosen to duplicate the most valuable diamond on the planet. He would then sell the diamond for cash, and then pocket the untraceable money. The IRS eventually saw his monetary fluctuations, with much increased spending, yet no chance at bankrupcy. As they arrested him, they asked him where he got the dough, and he said, I grow diamonds in my behind, what do you want me to do with them?

Man, that needs some work :not_ok:

[gregor]

Bush In Hell

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got some folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.

I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room. In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No, George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Richard Nixon with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Bush took this in disbelief and finally said, "Yea, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica, you're free to go..."

[Rogue]

[rlbell]

A condemned soul arrives in Hell and The Devil tells him that he may choose the manner of his eternal damnation, but if he takes too long to decide, The Devil will choose for him. So the damned soul goes from place to place, trying to find something not too horrible.

One of the first places that he dismisses, right off the bat, is a cavern where everyone is wrapped in undying flames. Another place is a cavern where demons alternately flay the condemned souls or staple them back into their skins. Finally, after much searching, he comes to an odd cavern where everyone is standing waist deep in a slurry of pig manure, drinking coffee. At last, something he can endure that is not even too bad. However, as soon as gets his mug of coffee, but before he can drink any of it, a huge demon cracks a whip and says:

"Coffee break's over, back on your heads, everyone."

[AlleyCat]

Why are blondes such bad surfers?

Because as soon as they get wet they spread their legs.

[_r.u.s.s.]

rude.. -_-

[blastradius14]

Originally posted by rlbell@Mar 15 2006, 09:46 PM
A condemned soul arrives in Hell and The Devil tells him that he may choose the manner of his eternal damnation, but if he takes too long to decide, The Devil will choose for him. So the damned soul goes from place to place, trying to find something not too horrible.

One of the first places that he dismisses, right off the bat, is a cavern where everyone is wrapped in undying flames. Another place is a cavern where demons alternately flay the condemned souls or staple them back into their skins. Finally, after much searching, he comes to an odd cavern where everyone is standing waist deep in a slurry of pig manure, drinking coffee. At last, something he can endure that is not even too bad. However, as soon as gets his mug of coffee, but before he can drink any of it, a huge demon cracks a whip and says:

"Coffee break's over, back on your heads, everyone."

You forgot about the part where its cold coffee. Cold, old, decaf coffee.

I've felt that way when I walk into my job :tai:


Only I'd be the one upside down thinking, "Screw the coffee"

[Sebatianos]

A pedophile at a court: "But those children said thy want to lear about sex."

[Rogue]

For those who speak compatible language...