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[whatshisface]

Nasty joke




How do you castrate a boy from alabama?
Kick his sister in the jaw.

[rlbell]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(troop18546 @ Aug 13 2006, 11:15 AM) [snapback]248302[/snapback]</div>

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(rlbell @ Aug 9 2006, 10:36 AM) [snapback]247457[/snapback]

My father liked to drink whiskey. So much so that he drank one bottle a day, every day, for most of his life. He passed away, back in May, at the age of 80, and, in accordance with his final wishes, his body was cremated. They are still trying to put the fire out
[/b]

Is that for real or a joke? :blink:
If it's a joke then > LOL
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Its a joke.

Deadpan is hard to do over a text link.

I have the only truly accurate globe, but everybody else keeps using it, as it is too large to keep in my home. Its 1:1 scale.

Something funnier:

My father was such a miser that he set the thermostat to a mere 14 degrees C, and he turned it down at night. We would put butter in the fridge to keep it soft. One cold january morning, the furnace broke down and nobody noticed, until noon. Finally, my father bought a heat pump-- a marvelous invention that makes the house so cold that heat flows in from outside.

[Mighty Midget]

Here's a Bill Hicks quote I really like:
"Tell you, the worst kind of non-smokers' the kind where you're smokin' and they just walk up to you ... [starts coughing affectedly] I always say, 'Sh*t, you're lucky you don't smoke. That's some cough you got there, dude. I'm smoking, you're coughing. Wow.' That's kind of cruel, man. Going up to a smoker and coughing. Sh*t! Do you go up to crippled people dancing too, you f***s? 'Hey, Mr. Wheelchair. What's your problem? Come on ironside, race ya!'"

[chainsoar]

Bill Hicks rocks my world. One of the most memorable quotes of his, in my mind at least -

"I've noticed a lot of christians wear a crucifix around their neck. Ya think if Jesus comes back he's gonna want to see that f***ing thing again? It's kinda like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a sniper rifle pendant. 'Hey Jackie, we loved John' *rifle motion* bang!"

[JimmyJ]

You look like a million dollers. All green and crumply!

[Mighty Midget]

Just a few questions (not really all that adult :P):

Do psycho crocodiles kill in warm blood?

Do coroners really work with stiffies all day?

How much wood and how many peckers does it take to make a woodpecker?

How do we know if the original sin really is the original?

Which one of the deadly sins is the most deadly, and how deadly is it?

Would the mean distance to the moon still be mean if we gave it a big, cuddly hug?

Q: How many actors and actresses does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: First, you tell me how to get inside a lightbulb.

[Himmler]

He : You remind me of the sea.
She : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
He : No, because you make me sick.

[giganto]

ok, heres one.

one day at an elementry school, the teacher wanted the students to share stories with a moral. the teacher then calls up cindy. "Cindy, would you tell us your story now?" "Yes ma'am. Well, one day me and my daddy were taking some chicken eggs into town. then we hit a bump in the road, and all the eggs fell out of the basket!" "I see, and what is the moral of the story, Cindy?" "Dont put all of your eggs in one basket!" "Well done, Cindy! Now, Bobby, why don't you share your story?" "Yes ma'am. Well, when my Uncle Buck was in Vietnam, he was piloting a helicopter through enemy territory. Then, the engine on the helicopter died, just as he was over a clearing filled with 60 enemy troops. All he had was a bottle of scotch, a machete, and a machine gun. On the way down, he drank the bottle of scotch. Then, when he came down, he killed 30 troops with the machine gun, 20 with the machete, and 10 with his bare hands." "My goodness! What a horrible story! And what is the moral, Bobby?" "Don't *meep* with Uncle Buck when he's drunk!"

[troop18546]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(chadtherodentslayer @ Sep 3 2006, 08:14 AM) [snapback]252524[/snapback]</div>

ok, heres one.

one day at an elementry school, the teacher wanted the students to share stories with a moral. the teacher then calls up cindy. "Cindy, would you tell us your story now?" "Yes ma'am. Well, one day me and my daddy were taking some chicken eggs into town. then we hit a bump in the road, and all the eggs fell out of the basket!" "I see, and what is the moral of the story, Cindy?" "Dont put all of your eggs in one basket!" "Well done, Cindy! Now, Bobby, why don't you share your story?" "Yes ma'am. Well, when my Uncle Buck was in Vietnam, he was piloting a helicopter through enemy territory. Then, the engine on the helicopter died, just as he was over a clearing filled with 60 enemy troops. All he had was a bottle of scotch, a machete, and a machine gun. On the way down, he drank the bottle of scotch. Then, when he came down, he killed 30 troops with the machine gun, 20 with the machete, and 10 with his bare hands." "My goodness! What a horrible story! And what is the moral, Bobby?" "Don't *meep* with Uncle Buck when he's drunk!"
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good one, LOL.

[Grinder]

Awesome jokes, Himmler and chadtherodentslayer.