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Old 13-07-2007, 06:08 AM   #1471
Tulac
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Ahahahha, KOREA! Ahahaha!
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[14-12, 16:08] TotalAnarchy: but the greatest crime porn has done is the fact that it's all fake and emotionless, that's why I prefer anime hentai frankly
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Old 04-08-2007, 02:00 PM   #1472
gregor
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A man who just died is delivered to a Kentucky mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. Bubba the mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look very good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives Bubba a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the viewing. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to Bubba, 'Whatever the cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did
you spend?' To her astonishment, Bubba presents her with the blank check.
'Dere's no charge,' he says.
'No, really, I must pay you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am, Bubba says, 'it didn't cost me a thing'.
You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his missus if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So, I just switched the heads.'
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Lifts-Her-Tail: I must finish my cleaning, sir. The mistress will have my head if I do not!
Crantius Colto: Cleaning, eh? I have something for you. Here, polish my spear.
Lifts-Her-Tail: But it is huge! It could take me all night!
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From The Lusty Argonian Maid by Crassius Curio found in TES3: Morrowind
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Old 04-08-2007, 02:02 PM   #1473
_r.u.s.s.
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but an ex-alektorophobic
 
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:blink:
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Old 04-08-2007, 07:08 PM   #1474
stewie90
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The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.

20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

14. Bad cop. No donut.

13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your behind kicked on cops?

10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

9. I pay your salary

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
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Old 05-08-2007, 09:49 PM   #1475
Geckotide
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Not sure if this is here already, but:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the
blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the
British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great
fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of
alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and
Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels
remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish
navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
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Old 06-08-2007, 03:55 AM   #1476
JJXB
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A man in a taxi cab taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screams bloody murder, loses control of the cab, and swerves onto the pavement before stopping just inches from a lamppost.

After checking to make sure the passenger is OK, the driver says "I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me!"

"Sorry. I didn't realize a simple tap on the shoulder would freak you out so much," the passenger says.

"It's not your fault," replies the cabbie.

"Today is my first day on the job after 25 years of driving a hearse."

-----------------------

two cannibals sitting in the jungle eating a clown.

one turns to the other and says 'does this taste funny to you'

-----------------------

a little boy says to his dad "what's love juice dad" so the dad spends 2 hours telling him what it is where it comes from how you get it etc dad says "so where did you hear that" the little boy says " The tennis"

all from sickipedia

and yay to the people who posted stuff from b3ta
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Old 06-08-2007, 07:40 AM   #1477
Geckotide
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Tulac @ Jul 13 2007, 07:08 AM) [snapback]299214[/snapback]</div>
Quote:



Ahahahha, KOREA! Ahahaha!
[/b]
Gold, I'd have to say America is my favourite
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Old 07-08-2007, 08:53 PM   #1478
CorruptMylar
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How many Jewish sons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?



"Oh no, that's fine dear. I'll just sit here in the dark going blind. Don't trouble yourself."
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Old 22-09-2007, 02:55 AM   #1479
thebes
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Blonde takes her car into the shop to get fixed as her car has been sputtering and dying. Next day she goes to get her car out. She asks the mechanic about her car. He says " Oh yeah, nothing big, just crap in your carburetor." "How often?" she asks.

[attachmentid=4104]
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