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Old 13-03-2011, 05:33 AM   #1
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Swan River, Canada
Posts: 842
Default Whats your Zombie strategy

Stoel this from crack. Heres basically the idea:

"Basically using my access to multiple arms and my connections with the chief of police, I would hunker down in the armory with my guns and crack. All I really need anyways.

Pros: Guns.

Cons: Crack.


Someone make a contingency plan, then the next person make the 'Pros, cons' of there thing. The wittier the better, cause i mean, yahoo, its funny.

(I didn't put this in games, cause i figure that it's not goona last long anyways)


I live in Rural canada. It is winter, when the world dies (and then comes back to life, sadly enough) that means my beloved electricity, and geo thermal heating is going to leave me. No heating plues common -20 to -40 celius weather from October to April = fuck, im dead.

But wait! My Dad has a marvelous history in hunting. I have a minor history in hunting, either way, assuming we can't get blankets, certainly if we can somehow adopt the ability to process furs (which, as my dad lived for years in the middle of nowhere for years of his life at Lake Williston in BC, i suspect he'd kind of know what to do)

Also we have a dead bear in my basement. I could just use that right.

(The sad thing about these pictures is that those are real pictures that i took. I even had it has my facebook profile picture as Grizz.L.E, the Grizzly bear street rapper that has had a grizzly life experience. )

Also, assuming we dont band together with my neighbors, they have a fireplace, and i am a man, it is second nature to run around chopping tree's down. Plus axe's are good zombie killing weapons, so i'd stay safe.

HOWEVER, i need to think about this; as heartless as it is, i'd rather be with my friends in my possible final days on earth, i'd prolly just ditch my family at the first sign of trouble, steal one of my dads jerry cans, and drive the truck out to my friends farm (not before stealing my pops 30-06 and ammunition, of coarse)

From there, me and my friend would have a healthy view of the surrounding fields, as everything is flat. Very flat. Omigosh, everythings flat, this is so boring!

The natural idea is to get as far from humanity as possible, and in rural canada, it's actually harder then you think, CAUSE THERES A FARM HOUSE every like, 3 miles. Any zombie is a threat.

Theres a ski hill near by, with no farms near by, and surrounded by woods and stuff. Naturally that'd be a good place to go too. We would grab ply wood sheets to cover up the chalets windows, and we would barricade the doors, and put the fireplace to good use, and sit out the apocalypse til hopefully the army save us me (who am i kidding, he'd prolly die along the way, the antagonists ALWAYS die)

However, living on top of a big ole hill far from civilization means no food near by, unless we decide to shoot bears. For you non killers out there, despite what you think about killing animals, bear hunting is scary as shit, my dads done it since he was 16, he's 53, and he still shakes when we hunt bears. They're just scary creatures! So looting would be the obvious choice. But that brings us right into the face of the zombies!

AAAAAND they ate my friend. Told ya.

So now because i broke the first rule of zombie survival, which is stay away from society, my only friend in a world gone mad is dead.

So after i hold up in someones crummy old house, I need to think of something; the obvious things are always have a way out and what not, find atleast a few days supply of food, barricade, but also, keep from going insane!

To my understanding, to keep slightly sane, one is supposed to keep a journal and jot down there thoughts and what not, which helps them, you know, realize if they're bat shit yet or not.

But thats boring, so instead i would just boot leg it into the country side as fast as I could and try to find a secluded farm house. Once I see said farm house, i'd camp for a while (and since this is real life, they can't kick me from the server) and determine if there were any zombies there. If there werent, i'd move in for the night. I'd keep this tract going, until i found someone else to live with that was female and scantily clad didn't want to eat me.

So, now me and my new companion must carry along. Any other survivors we find, unless someone that could be very heplful such as a super awesome, shotgun wielding boony-Crockett look alike, we would leave behind, or if the need be, kill and loot.

What? Why are you looking at me that way? Worlds dead friend, you need to do what you do to survive. Normally I would say that morals were the only hope to keep whats left of the old world alive, in this case, if im goona die and they ain't helping me anyways, Im goona take there stuff.

Now hopfully after wondering around long enough, I'll acquire the bad ass image that is be fitting of me;

(After i kill the shark i will use it's head as a scary helmet thing. seriously man, it'll be so cool)

After enough times, the zombies are goona die again cause zombies need food too, and since they went and killed the Guvment', the government can't distribute ration packets to them. Silly zombies.

Now we will be left with something new;

A lawless land scattered with infected dead bodies, meaning the infection can come back at anytime

A lawless land with very very very bad hygiene

A Lawless land with no wi fi connections anywhere

A land without a population to do anything

A land of amoral clusterfucks who shoot any other person on site (This could be me)

Re settlement and re population are a must. Books would need to be acquired to teach people, as much bottled water as possible woudl be needed, as well as canned food, and the ability to like, grow carrots and stuff. Hopefuly thanks to my shark helmet, people know im deadly, and make me their chieftan. That way I can tell everyone what to do, and get aaaaall the hotgirls I want. I may end up ruling a methane-fueled trading post in the middle of the canadian prarie, but it'll be home.

Kind of.
Kugarfang: o hai guiz im trying to find this techno song from the radio and it goes like this:

DUN duuuunnnn dudududududun SPLOOSH duuunnnnn

We ate the horse.
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Old 13-03-2011, 06:00 AM   #2
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.... and then you'll get something as a silly acute appendicitis, and it's time for a new chieftan.

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Old 13-03-2011, 09:50 AM   #3
angry axe
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Location: Auckland, New Zealand
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Why is your scenario so long? I would just call up Charlie Sheen and Neil Patrick Harris and have a conference on "winning"
"war has changed. its no longer about nations ideologies or ethnicity, its an endless series of proxy battles fought by mercenaries and machines. War, and its consumption of life - has become a well oiled machine" - Solid Snake
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Old 13-03-2011, 12:29 PM   #4
the little viking
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Location: Linz, Austria
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I'd take my baseball bat and try to see if I can smash some. Then I would brag and gather people around me by my tales how many zombies I've killed.
This would work fine unless I will have met a leader who seems to "know it all" and takes over responsability and my group of followers, and who leads us all to our deaths! Then he will show explanations why our fight was in vain, and I'll smash his head with my baseball bat before succumbing to the zombie hordes just to make sure he understands.

Oh by the way google for "rebuild" zombie game. Turn-based tactical survival, it is teeeeh top browser game these days! You gotta play this one, it has got 1 million plays in the first week alone and the top flash game of all times has only like 9 million plays combined over 5+ years. So you better reserve a chest of beer before tackling this one!
For some people it's Windows, for others it's the longest virus in the world!

Last edited by Wicky; 13-03-2011 at 12:34 PM.
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Old 16-03-2011, 04:27 PM   #5
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Location: Agalli, Albania
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what you need is shotgun (preferably autohsotgun) and plenty ammo. the rest can be aquired on the way.

thoguh it would also be a good to have a technical (light, fast, manouverable, relatively easy to maintain...)
Crantius Colto: Fear not. You are safe here with me.
Lifts-Her-Tail: I must finish my cleaning, sir. The mistress will have my head if I do not!
Crantius Colto: Cleaning, eh? I have something for you. Here, polish my spear.
Lifts-Her-Tail: But it is huge! It could take me all night!
Crantius Colto: Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.
From The Lusty Argonian Maid by Crassius Curio found in TES3: Morrowind
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Old 16-03-2011, 10:25 PM   #6
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Location: Swan River, Canada
Posts: 842

only shot guns we have are hunting shot guns...you know, pump, and even then I think we have it out at my cousins farm right now. Nope, i'd have to rely on my dads hunting rifles
Kugarfang: o hai guiz im trying to find this techno song from the radio and it goes like this:

DUN duuuunnnn dudududududun SPLOOSH duuunnnnn

We ate the horse.
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Old 18-03-2011, 12:53 PM   #7
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Location: Kelso, Scotland
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I was just planning on reenacting Shaun of the Dead. With perhaps a few more shotguns and chainsaws.
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