«

[esgmaster]

The Shadow of Armageddon.

The date is 2020, March 1st, Saturday, 4:12 AM.
We cut into a police interrigation room.
"Did you or didn't you?" shouted Thomas Elkson.
"No." said Ice Wolf.
"You're a LYING <censored>!"
Then Elkson hit Wolf.
"You know, for a police officer, this counts under brutallaity."
"Your skin was found on the victim."
"How could I have caused a claw-like wound?"
Elkson then grabs Wolf by the collar.
"I'm going find a way, and then I'll put your <censored> in a chair."
"Maybe he didn't." said Ian Fregson.
The door to the room opens, and two men in long coats enter the room.
"FBI." said the first one after flipping out their badges.
"Are any of you Ice Wolf?" said the second.
"I am."
"Carting him off to kill him?" said Elkson.
"No, we're here to escort him someplace." said the first.
"He's being sent to a facility to serve his crimes" said the second.
"GO TO <censored>!" shouted Elkson.
Elkson then threw a punch at the first, who flips him into the steel door.
"That enough?" said the first.
"Strange, why would he attack us Eyuil?" said the second.
"DIE!" shouted Fregson.
*BANG*
The one called Eyuil has had his brains splattered on the wall.
Elkson gets up.
"<censored> it, nobody does that to a officer. You'll be arrested as well." said Elkson.
"I don't think so." said a voice in the room.
Eyuil gets up, the hole in his skull easily seen.
"We're actually FBPI." said the second.
"Who are you trying to protect?" said Eyuil.
"Go to <censored>." said Fregson.
Wolf then begins transforming into a werewolf.
"<censored>!" said Elkson.
Elkson fires a 50. calibur Desert Eagle at Wolf's skull, splattering blood throughout the room.
Wolf finished transforming into a werewolf.
"Time to go Fifth." said Eyuil.
Eyuil and Fifth leave the room, and lock the door behind them.
*sounds of a werewolf tearing apart humans and various screaming sounds*
4:20 PM.
*the sounds have died down*
Fifth opens the door.
"What the <censored>? They aren't dead!" said Wolf.
"...go to..." groaned the torn Elkson.
"For your sake, you better have a location on the LA map." said Fifth.
"Ice Wolf, how many out of the 672 murders you have been accused of have you committed?" said Eyuil.
"That many?! I've committed 7."
"We're recruitting members for a special force." said Fifth.
"Will it serve my crimes?"
"Yes."
"Count me in."
"...what are you...?" said Fregson.
"I'm an ancient immortal, he's a ancient vampire." said Eyuil.
"...wait..." said Elkson.
"What?"
"...we want to join..."
"What are you?"
"Deranged killers, psychos who've killed hundreds." said Fregson as he got up.
"We've been set on fire, had C4 blow up in our face." said Elkson as he got up.
"Fine, but don't use this as an excuse to shorten your term." said Fifth.
"Great, we're using the types we were hired to kill." said Eyuil.
"We'll need all the help we can get."
The date is 2020, March 1st, Saturday, 8:01 AM
FBPI safe house in Los Angeles.
"Raining, and as black as night, in MARCH." said Eyuil.
"Calm down Mr. Gpwak." said Wolf.
"Okay, there is apparantly a large increase in kindred." said Fifth.
"Kindred?" said Elkson.
"Fancy term vampires call themselves." said Gpwak.
"They also have a large increase in ghoul-." said Fifth.
*BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
Shots crash through the window.
"<censored>!" said Elkson.
*BANG* *BANG*
The front door flys off its hinges.
Gpwak pulls out a sawwed-off shotgun.
Several men with guns enter the room via the front door.
*BANG* *BANG*
Several men with guns (and most of the wall) fly out the room.
Several more men with guns enter the room.
"DIE <censored>!" said one of the men.
Gpwak drops his shotgun...
"Forgot to bring more ammo?" said Elkson.
...And pulls out a dagger.
"Suicidal?" said another one of the men.
"Tell me who you're working for." said Gpwak.
"GO TO-AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!"
Eyuil's dagger extends via a chain 10 feet.
Zombies enter the room via the front door.
"Everybody leave the building." said Elkson.
"Or we could do this." said Fifth.
Fifth pulls out a sawwed-off shotgun.
*BANG* *BANG*
There now is only rubble of what was left of the front wall.
More zombies follow.
"<censored>, this isn't worth it." said Elkson.
"There is 40 members of the group who made these, either help us or get shot." said Fifth.
Elkson attempts to punch Fifth.
Gpwak punches Elkson, knocking him 40 feet.
"Lighting Rain!" said Gpwak.
*sounds of 43 car explosions*
"Wanna join your friend?" said Fifth.
"Eek." said Fregson.
Wolf begins dismembering zombies.
A man in odd looking robes enters the street.
"<censored>! A necromancer!" said Fifth.
Then the zombies (and zombie parts) sorround the necromancer.
And then turns into a giant mass of flesh.
"...<censored>..." groaned Elkson.
Fregson charges the necromancer, who then punches Fregson and sends him flying 80 yards.
"<censored> human!" said the mass.
Wolf transforms into a werewolf and jumps the mass, who tears him in half.
"Say isn't that the weakest End of Life?" said Fifth.
"Yup." said Eyuil.
"Maybe we should have gotten Hellsing..."
"Do you wish to handle it?"
"Yes."
Fifth walks to several yards away from the mass.
"Who are you?" said the mass.
"Fifth Horseman, 3324 year old vampire, FBPI agent." said Fifth.
Horseman pulls out a chain.
"This chain is infused with my vitae, it is directly linked to my mind."
Horseman spins it around several times.
The mass falls apart.
"Now why do you need help?" said Wolf, as he pulled himself together.
"The strongest one is stronger than him. *gestures towards Eyuil*" said Horseman.
"AND I'LL KILL YOU!" said the necromancer.
Horseman transforms into dust.
Gpwak makes several hand gestures.
The necromancer is splattered.
"Magic?" said Fregson as he got up.
"The force of the air that came from my hands." said Gpwak.
"Really? Then what do you do for magic?"
Gpwak points his finger at Elkson.
"What are you doing?" said Elkson as he got up.
And then Elkson is engulfed in flames.
"Oh, and that punch wasn't full strength."
"What is your full strength?" said Fregson.
"Pray you never find out first hand."
Fifth regenerates.
"What the...?" said Fregson.
"Cheap trick to use on a necromancer who expects his opponent to die on a 'Unlife to death' spell." said Fifth.
"...hey..." said the necromancer.
"What?" said Fifth.
"...can I join you...?" said the necromancer.
"Well, as long as you don't backstab us."
"...alright..."
"What are you called?"
"...Saccade..."
"First off, nuke all your ties to the End of Life."
Saccade gets up and drops a symbol.
"THAT'S IT?" said Elkson.
"Didn't trust me."
"Foresight, or just plain hatrid?"
Saccade walks towards Fifth.
"...please don't tell me I'm below him..." whispered Saccade.
"Don't even know if he's IN the FBPI." said Fifth.
"I can hear you." said Elkson.
"So could everybody on the planet."
"Let's go."
The date is 2020, March 1st, Saturday, 1:12 PM
Another FBPI safe house in Los Angeles.
TV:"And in other news, several people have reported radiation sickness on the northeastern side of town."
"Shouldn't we check it?" said Saccade.
TV:"11 out of 38 have died."
"There's a freaking fusion power plant over there, it happens all the time." said Eyuil.
Elkson, Wolf, Horseman, and Fregson enter the room.
TV:"Reasons for this-ARGJSHJAGRHGJ!"
The newscaster begins having boils.
TV:"SOMEBODY GET SOME-AGJHKAJRHKUSU!"
The newscaster explodes.
TV:"The News at 1 is currently having technical difficulties and will be back right after a few hundred messages from our
sponser. *cuts to commercial*"
"Gory movie?" said Horseman.
"At ONE?" said (Eyuil) Gpwak.
"We do have HBO." said Elkson.
TV:"*beep* Hello citizens of Los Angeles."
A man in a black robe with a hood is on the news.
"What the...?" said Fregson.
TV:"You have 24 hours to leave the LA area before it becomes unsafe for humans..."
"it's already unsafe..." said Elkson.
TV:"Or you'll end up like her..."
Said man shows the head of the newscaster.
"Nuke the place?" said Elkson.
"Nuke something already nuked?" said Horseman.
TV:"Resistance is futile."
"I hate it when a poor grade villian quotes a poor grade villian." said Gpwak.
The date is 2020, March 1st, Saturday, 2:45 PM
GBS News studio.
"You wanna know why they call this GBS? IT'S GLOBAL <censored>!"
"Well, now it's Gone <censored>."
"Yeah, no <censored>!"
"Sorry to disturb your <censored>." said Saccade.
"Yes, but you have to take the 2 o' clock train to hell." said Fifth.
*BANG* *ZOON AI LA*
They dodge but it destroys the northeastern half of the wall.
Fifth turns around and...
*BANG*
Which causes his enemy to fly into the back wall, which melts.
"<censored>, YOU'RE THE NUCLEAR PROMETHEUS!" said Fifth.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Fubb]

There is a distinct lack of fubbles in this story

[The Fifth Horseman]

You're mixing past and present tenses constantly. Ick.
Anyhow, this belongs in Art. Not in 3xBlah.

[Himmler]

*fArts and leaves* wtf is this schitt?

[esgmaster]

Mortal Kombat - AB style - Part 1

A warehouse in Hollywood...

A man in a black suit with designer sunglasses appears at the entrance...
Man in Red Suit:[whisper]"Better have the money somewhere."
Man in Black Suit w/sunglasses:Alright, come here and you'll get your money.
Man in Red Suit:"Alright..." *walks next to man*
Sunglass guy does a spinning jump kick into Red Suit's head, knocking Red Suit into the ground.
Man in Black Suit without sunglasses:"Hey, don't play the movie hero! I'll kill her!"
Sunglass guy's left hand suddenly goes on fire and then makes contact with Black Suit's face.
Seconds pass...
Sunglass guy:"Fall down..."
Black Suit falls down.
Man in Red Suit 2:*extreme surprise and pointing behind Sunglass guy*
Sunglass guy turns around, throws his sunglasses at the direction of the pointing and then...
Former Sunglass guy:"Thought you could get away with kidnapping did you?"
*sound of acid burning*
A man in a black and green ninja suit shot acid at him, hitting his sunglasses instead.
FS guy:"Hey those were 4000$ specs!"
Director:"Cut."
Green Ninja:"Come with me if you want to live."
Greenie picks up DS guy.
Director:"Hey, get away from Cage. We need him for our movie!"
Cage flips Greenie.
Cage:"If you wanted an autograph you could've just asked...[whispering]Not like it'll ruin this movie though..."
Greenie punchs Cage in the worst place possible and then throws him into a portal...
Director:"HEY BRING BACK MY STAR! STAR THIEF! STAR THIEF!"
Greenie goes into the portal after him.
Director:"Oh great, nobody can replace Fubby Cage...Bring me my replacements list."

Somewhere...That is all Fubby Cage knows...

Greenie:"He'sssssssssss Awake..."
Creepy ninja only wearing jacket:"Time to unleash a terrible plague on him..."
Girl Ninja in Green:"We don't have a plague."
Bald Ninja:"Sign here Mr. Cage."
Fubby:"Whoa, whoa, whoa...Get my agent to look at this first...SLAVE LABOUR! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!?"
Ninja in Blue:"Okay Chi, time not to give him the slave labour contract."
Chi:*picks another contract* "Sign here."
Fubby:"...lifelong slave to Edward Cullen...? I'm not signing this even if you'd give me 30 more lives."
Chi:"Funny, outta say 31...Jane why did you give me this one?"
Jane:*replaces contract with another contract*
Chi:"...For infinite sex with...I wouldn't give this to my Mother-In law."
Fubby:"Lemme see that *looks at contract* ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH! MY EYES!...I wouldn't give that to my director..."
Chi:"Here we go, sign here."
Fubby:"To aid one Taco Chi in the Mortal Kombat tourament for the rest of my life..."
Ninja in jacket:"I'm gonna smoke."
Chi:"Just don't harm him. Still needs to be around for the sequel."
*Ninja in jacket begins smoking and turns towards the wall*
*sound of gunshots* *Jacket falls to the ground*
*A Girl ninja in purple/black with a rifle of some sorts shoots Jacket in the face*
Girl Ninja in purple/black:"Thank you for not smoking."
Green:"You will diessssssssssssssssss!"
*Green ninja jumps Purple...*
*...Only to get impaled on a staff*
Ninja in Electric Blue w/hat and staff:"I certainly think she doesn't want to get jumped by a reptile.*
Green:"Why am I talking to Sssssssssssssssssspider-man?"
*Electric Blue whacks Green away*
Green:"Hit me once more, with-."
*A redish ninja kicks Green*
Redish:"No. Singing."
*Jacket gets up and spits*
Jacket:"If this is what you can cause on the first day. Then we'll win."
Fubby:"Who's Taco Chi?"
Ninja in Electric Blue w/Hat:"I don't think anyone wants to have the same name as that fast-food chain..."
Chi:"I made Taco Chi! Stupid slave printers keep printing Paco as Taco..."
Ninja in Electric Blue w/Hat:"Well if you didn't saco every error macro that doesn't know how to print then it's to be expected."
Chi:"And anyway what are you calling a bad fast food chain? That's the best fast-food chain there is!"
Ninja w/Hat:"That's because it's the only one."
Chi:"KILL HIM!"
Guy w/Jacket:"You will be inflicted with a great suffering!"
Guy w/Jacket tosses a knife at Ninja w/Hat, who shoots a lightning ball at the knife, deflecting it.
Ninja w/Hat:"You have suffered a terrible loss. Leave before you suffer any more."
Ninja in Blue:"Prepare to die!"
*Blue kicks but is blocked by Hat*
Ninja w/Hat:"Do that once more, with feeeeeeellling."
*music begins playing*
Shosen the Sung: (singing)"Isn't it romantic? Two people going around tossing each other into the ground."
Jacket: (singing)"What's with the crazy singing-Oh, no! I got it too!"
Chi: (singing)"Oh, relax. This is what happens when someone says once more, with feeeeeeeling."
Blue: (singing)"Prepare to freeze in the breeze against the blaze."
*Blue attempts to jump punch Hat*
Hat: (singing)"That's nice, where's the blaze? Did this become Mortal Kombat V without anyone prior knowage?'
Redish: (singing)"Don't forget that I can shoot fireballs."
*Blue shoots a iceball at Redish, freezing him*
*Hat moves so he is in-between Redish and Blue*
Hat: (singing)"Looks like this is the end of time for yoooooooooooooou."
Blue: (singing)"Not quite, you will be frozen and smashed for all eternity!"
*Blue fires a iceball at Hat, who dodges, causing it to hit Redish, thus freezing Blue*
Hat: (singing)"And now this is the end for yooooooou."
*Hat grabs Blue and lightning courses through Blue*
Shosen the Sung: (singing)"This is the end for the soul known as Professor Zero..."
*Blue shatters everywhere*
Shosen the Sung: (singing)"FATALITY! FATALITY!"
*music ends*
Fubby:"WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?"
Ninja w/Hat:"we're fighting over who gets you for the Mortal Kombat Tourament."
Fubby:"I don't wish to die a violent and horrible death over something I have a terrible terrible description about..."
Ninja w/Hat:"He wins you don't get any more movies."
Fubby:"Movies I've been getting lately won't matter."
Jacket guy jumps Hat Ninja, who tosses his hat at him, knocking him into the wall.
Fubby:"Okay I'm going with you."
Jane jumps Ninja with Staff, who impales her with it.
*Lightning hits both Ninja and Fubby causing them to dissappear*

Somewhere better...That is all Fubby Cage knows...

Fubby:"Can someone can get me sunglasses? As in within the shortest possible time?"
*lightning hits Fubby's eyes causing sunglasses to appear*
Fubby:"*loud scream* I'M GOING TO DIE A VIOLENT AND HORRIBLE DEATH!"
Ninja w/Hat and staff:"You asked..."
Fubby:"Your name is...?"
Ninja w/Hat and staff:"Eyuil Sratas Gaiden..."
Fubby:"Thank you Gaiden."
Gaiden:"Secret Master of Ninjitsu..."
2 hours later...
Gaiden:"39th emergency member of the Shadow Realm protection agency."
Fubby:"zzz"
Fubby gets hit by a lightning bolt.
Fubby:"I'M AWAKE! DON'T KILL ME!"
Martial Arts guy in redish ninja suit:"Don't worry, if you fell asleep once listening to it imagine how he had to memorize that."
Fubby:"Uh, your name?"
Martial Arts guy in redish ninja suit:"Fu Hang! Master of Hang Fu! Known infamously as The Fifth Hanger in some parts."
Girl in black/purple ninja suit:"You're the one who invented it..."
Fu:"She's Freyo Ring."
Gaiden:"Green ninja was Lemming last member of his race, Jacket fella was Tomo, underworld boss if you didn't know already."
Fubby:"Okay, I'll go contact my agent, and I'll get back to you next millenium."
Gaiden:"You have one day."
Fubby:"Can't complete a crudy movie in a day with those actors."
Gaiden:"Don't worry young padawan. You will escape from Darth Director."
Fubby:"Alright Yoda."
Gaiden:"Talking strange, am I?"
Fubby:"..."

A Hollywood set...

Director:"Okay, come here 7:00 AM tommorow."
*Fubby Cage appears in a seat across the Director's desk*
Director:"...I'lll talk to you lllllatttter...."
Fubby:"I'd like to take some time off from this project."
Director:"You have 6 months, we got a replacement actor to take your place."
Fubby:"Don't tell me it's Bobby Crystal?"
Director:"No one will say he's a fake."
Fubby:"He is a fake."
Director:"But I'll get more *dollor signs form in Director's eyes* money!"
*Fubby Cage disappears*
Director:"****, where did he go?...Doesn't matter..."

A place of the past...

Fubby:"Okay, now I'm not going to be fighting in a martial arts tourament with a suit. I haven't been selected as James Bond yet."
*lightning strikes Fubby causing his suit to turn into a brown ninja suit.
Fubby:"Couldn't I get something a little more blue?"
Fu:"If everyone was in blue ninja suits we'd never know who was who."
Fubby:"Everyone's already in a ninja suit."
Fu:"A unique ninja suit."
Fubby:"Why did I get the puke-styled ninja? I did 'Martial Arts' Bunny' for the money you know."
Gaiden:"YOU made that film!? Now I think I should've given you the Purple/Green/Brown one."
Fubby:"Hey that was for the money!"
Gaiden:"Shoot an acidball at that can over there."
Fubby:"Okay...Where's the ball?"
Gaiden:"In your hands."
*Fubby looks at his hand hard*
Fubby:"I don't see anything...*motions as if throwing something at the can*"
*a ball of acid goes from Fubby's hands to hitting the can*
Fubby:"!...!"

TO BE CONTINUED