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[ReamusLQ]

from what I've shwon them so far, they like it fine (I have the first half done), the only person a little annoyed is the xylo player, but that's because even though the part is repetetive, its freaking hard. Thanks for the feedback though.

[Puffin]

Hmm..
For a good xylo player it shouldn't be too difficult...

I'm glad for you that they like it.

[taikara]

Okay...

Got some criticism...

Going to try to make it as descriptive as possible and positive as possible, so please forgive me if I fail:

From the beginning of the song, to about 3:10, it feels very "disconnected", and not in a good way. There's no progression, no feeling that it is going anywhere, and it's sort of jarring (agitating?)

I believe it is because of the mix of different single-instrument, single-note staccato progressions you have going at once, and in extreme repetition, at that.

In other words, it seems like you're showing us a rattling skeleton, without the flesh to give it an attractive body.

I noticed a lot of random discordant notes between those progressions, as well. The spacing didn't give it a recognizable enough pattern to make it seem like it was planned discordancy.

I also noticed strange extraneous note strikes, the most noticable of which was at about 2:00. I'm not sure that this was on purpose, but it also disrupts the flow, which is agitating, and it just doesn't sound like it should be there. Some tweaking is probably all that is needed. A longer note that carried through the same time would work better, imho.

Starting at about 3:10, I started to "feel" the music. All of your themes started to make sense and form the body, and it was very good, although I feel too late in the music to make a huge difference in the overall jarring impact.

at 4:10... I will not force myself to be dishonest. I hated this ending. Not because it wasn't musically sound, but because it was cliche, and I don't think that's what you're going for. Writing this piece shows that you have enough creative talent to avoid cliche.

This piece has the potential to be very good. That is the only reason that I have bothered to write all this out. Your biggest problem with it is just timing and flow, both of which are extremely important to a good listening experience.

If your aim was to agitate and be discordant to get your point across, that is fine. Just make sure you soothe the listener as well. It has to be journey, and the first three minutes of the song just sort of runs the listener in circles.

My favorite parts were the intro (up to about :50), and from 3:10 to the outtro (4:10 and after).

All in all, I applaud you for the complexity, and encourage you to continue working on it. You have a piece to be proud of. k:

[wendymaree]

Haven't listened to the song yet, Reamus, as on this slow modem it'll take about an hour to download. However, thinking this file-hosting service was great, I just tried to sign up for my own account, but was refused as I supposedly already have one - yours. I've been looking for a web-hosting account that'll allow uploading of mp3s everywhere. Anyway, will be back soon with some comments.

Comments:
I really liked this piece. For me, it was original, pretty, captivating and I was never sure what might happen next. I like to be surprised with music. It wasn't meant to be heard in the context of a 3 min pop song, so I didn't try to interpret it that way. To my ears, you were trying for drama, excitement and showcasing the instruments you mentioned earlier. The suspended note in the middle while the other instruments lay dormant was terrific and really caught my attention. The last few notes were very cheeky and made me smile. However, I haven't listened to music for ages, and this now shows when I try to offer criticism here. I haven't got anything to measure it against....I've drifted too far from anything musical. I wonder if this piece should have more of a build-up towards a conclusion? But is this too obvious? I'm thinking of the old 'big finish, folks' Does it always have to be this way...especially in a piece that obviously doesn't have a sense of story, anyway. My feeling is that an audience hearing this music played by a live band would be captivated and enjoy themselves immensely.

[ReamusLQ]

Originally posted by taikara@Feb 18 2005, 06:25 PM
Okay...

Got some criticism...

Going to try to make it as descriptive as possible and positive as possible, so please forgive me if I fail:

From the beginning of the song, to about 3:10, it feels very "disconnected", and not in a good way. There's no progression, no feeling that it is going anywhere, and it's sort of jarring (agitating?)

I believe it is because of the mix of different single-instrument, single-note staccato progressions you have going at once, and in extreme repetition, at that.

In other words, it seems like you're showing us a rattling skeleton, without the flesh to give it an attractive body.

I noticed a lot of random discordant notes between those progressions, as well. The spacing didn't give it a recognizable enough pattern to make it seem like it was planned discordancy.

I also noticed strange extraneous note strikes, the most noticable of which was at about 2:00. I'm not sure that this was on purpose, but it also disrupts the flow, which is agitating, and it just doesn't sound like it should be there. Some tweaking is probably all that is needed. A longer note that carried through the same time would work better, imho.

Starting at about 3:10, I started to "feel" the music. All of your themes started to make sense and form the body, and it was very good, although I feel too late in the music to make a huge difference in the overall jarring impact.

at 4:10... I will not force myself to be dishonest. I hated this ending. Not because it wasn't musically sound, but because it was cliche, and I don't think that's what you're going for. Writing this piece shows that you have enough creative talent to avoid cliche.

This piece has the potential to be very good. That is the only reason that I have bothered to write all this out. Your biggest problem with it is just timing and flow, both of which are extremely important to a good listening experience.

If your aim was to agitate and be discordant to get your point across, that is fine. Just make sure you soothe the listener as well. It has to be journey, and the first three minutes of the song just sort of runs the listener in circles.

My favorite parts were the intro (up to about :50), and from 3:10 to the outtro (4:10 and after).

All in all, I applaud you for the complexity, and encourage you to continue working on it. You have a piece to be proud of. k:

Thanks for the comments...as for the ending being Cliché, I wrote this just after I listened to Frank Tichelli's Blue Shades, which if you don't know that piece, ends with this wimpy little flute chord, and the final hit is a little splash cymbal. I intended for the piece to end like that. As for the disruption of the flow around the 2:00, remember that the entire section is actually about sixty beats slower, and when played on live instruments, it sounds pretty damn awesome (in my oppinion.) Although I will admit, it is around 3:00 that the piece really picks up

@Puffin: The xylo part doesn't sound difficult, but if you look at the music, it's a three mallet part. The repeted eighth note is on an A, and the accented note changes are the E below the A, and the C above. Once the part is learned, you can cruise, but mastering the sticking pattern is a b*tch. Our first chair percussionist has been in State Honor Band's Top Band First Chair for the past two years, and she told me that she could do it, but it would just be a pain to learn :bleh:

[taikara]

Hmm... I wish I could hear it with the tempo changes, that would make a huge difference.

It probably makes a lot more aural sense that way.

But I tried my best to give my opinion without offending, and I'm sorry if I didn't succeed.

But we all seem to have varying opinions, which is perfect proof that criticism is good, but in the end, you have complete control over what you do. You're the artist, and therefore, you're the only one who knows exactly what you're trying to express.

[ReamusLQ]

Originally posted by taikara@Feb 18 2005, 10:35 PM
Hmm... I wish I could hear it with the tempo changes, that would make a huge difference.

It probably makes a lot more aural sense that way.

But I tried my best to give my opinion without offending, and I'm sorry if I didn't succeed.

But we all seem to have varying opinions, which is perfect proof that criticism is good, but in the end, you have complete control over what you do. You're the artist, and therefore, you're the only one who knows exactly what you're trying to express.

Yes Tai, you have crushed my dreams. I am now going to quit music because you made me feel so bad. I'll smoke until I get throat cancer, and never sing or write music again. In fact, I'm going to have surgery to destroy my eardrums so I never have to hear music ever ever again in my whole life

[taikara]

*commits harakiri for having done such a disservice to the human race*

[quatroking]

Ripway huh? yeah thats a good file-hosting

Now come down you both. Some criticism can never hurt, that way you know what you have done good and what not. You can't see anything yourself, after all, something you only get to know from others with their view from the side.
What you'll do with the gained knowledge is up to you, though. You can become offended and whine over your "ruined dreams" or you can try to use the gained knowledge to improve the subject of the criticism and make it better this time. :whistle: