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[troop18546]

I memorized this one off of "Suckers" 1990 movie.

St. Peter sees some n1ggers at the golden gates to heaven.
He rushes to God and tells him:
God there are a bunch of n1ggers at the gates, should I let them in?
God says:
Sure, let them in, we have no racism over here.
St. Peter goes to let them in, but in a moment he comes back and says:
They're gone!
God says:
Who - the n1ggers?
Peter:
No! The gates!

This one's one of my all time favs. LOL

[Playbahnosh]

^ouch! LOL

[Sebatianos]

Well, this one is better if told in person (but still very cruel).

A father and his handicaped (celebral paralises) son are watching TV together.
Dad: "Son, go and fetch me a beer."
Son (drooling, having trouble speaking, shaking all over): "Get it yourslef!"
Later on...
Dad: "Son, get me my smokes."
Son (drooling, having trouble speaking, shaking all over): "Get them yourslef!"
Father gets angry!
Dad: "Son, show some more respect! I created you!"
Son (drooling, having trouble speaking, shaking all over): "And a fine job you did!"

Should really be told in person...




How did Vikings call bad hunters?
Vegetarians!

[rlbell]

Originally posted by Sebatianos@Apr 11 2006, 10:55 AM
Well, this one is better if told in person (but still very cruel).

A father and his handicaped (celebral paralises) son are watching TV together.
Dad: "Son, go and fetch me a beer."
Son (drooling, having trouble speaking, shaking all over): "Get it yourslef!"
Later on...
Dad: "Son, get me my smokes."
Son (drooling, having trouble speaking, shaking all over): "Get them yourslef!"
Father gets angry!
Dad: "Son, show some more respect! I created you!"
Son (drooling, having trouble speaking, shaking all over): "And a fine job you did!"

Should really be told in person...




How did Vikings call bad hunters?
Vegetarians!

This joke was told at the "Juste pour rire" comedy festival, several years ago, by a comedian with cerebral palsy:

I was at a restaurant and I started choking, so I began waving my arms frantically, to get some help. It turns out that I proposed to the deaf woman across the room and now I have a wife who never listens to me!

Other remembered snippets from the festival:

There are two kinds of people in this world; those that have carefree sex with strangers, and jealous people.

I know we smoke alot in Newfoundland, but here in Montreal you smoke like it was a cure for cancer!


Silly geek joke:

There are 10 kinds of people in this world; those that understand binary encoding and those that do not.


There was an episode of ST:TNG that featured Data trying to learn about humor and it had a throwaway line about a comedian who based his routine on quantum mathematics. There really are jokes from quantum mathematics:

Imagine if Plank's constant was three . . .

Everyone would need cars big enough that they would not tunnel out of them. Stairs would be impossible; unless, everybody was the same weight. The less said about multiple doors at the entrance of large buildings, the better.

Officer: Do you know how fast you were going?
Motorist: No, I was tired of getting lost.

I doubt that very many of you will get the quantum humor, but those that do will have enjoyed them.

[gregor]

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now is considered to be mentally stable. The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays soundness of the mind."

"The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. When can I go home?"

[Sebatianos]

A silly nuthouse joke...

A: "Wanna go diving in the new pool agian?"
B: "Nah, been there, done that."
A: "Oh, come on. This time there's even water in it!"

[Grinder]

A little kid, obviously handicapped, enters the bus and approaches the driver.
Kid(drooling,shaking,having trouble speaking):
I-i-i-i-'d l-l-l-like a t-t-t-ticket p-p-p-please
Driver:
OUT!!!

The next day, the same handicapped kid comes up to the driver.
Kid(drooling,shaking,having trouble speaking):
I-i-i-i-'d l-l-l-like a t-t-t-ticket p-p-p-please
Driver:
OUT!!!

The next day, the kid brings his mother.
Kid(drooling,shaking,having trouble speaking):
I-i-i-i-'d l-l-l-like a t-t-t-ticket p-p-p-please
Driver:
OUT!!!
Mother:
Why did you do that? Why? Why can't you just give my son a ticket?
Driver:
B-b-b-bec-c-cause he's m-m-m-making f-f-f-fun offff m-m-m-me!!!

Should really be told in person.

[Stebbi]

Okay i have a really BRUTAL JOKE you have been warned.....








One day Hitler is walking in auswitch, and he walks up to a little girl and ask's her how old are you?
The little girl answers: four but ill be five tomorrow.
The Hitler Say: HAHAHA NO !

[Sebatianos]

Brutal??? Don't get me started...

A group of sadist captures a school bus. They put them in fron of the swimming pool full of acid. They say they'll let the winner go free.
All the kids jump in and start swimming like crazy (screeming even worse). Their skin is being eaten off their flesh and their flesh is disapearing away showing only the white of the bones and even the bones are slowly loosing their form... Needles to say all the kids died, but one.
The sole surviver drags himself out of the swimming pool with one fingerless hand, his ribs showing under the acidly burnet off flesh. The stench is terrible and he's half dead because of the damage to his body and other half because of the agony of pain.
the head sadist comes up to him and says: Congratulations, you've made it to the semi-finale!

[Rogue]