[Gelfo]

-WARNING THESE JOKE ARE OFFENSIVE..ISH -

An Alcoholic, a druggie and Freddie Mercury were all in heaven before God.

God decided to give all three of them a second chance as long as they changed their ways. The alcoholic wasn't allowed to touch drink, the druggie had to stay clean and Freddie Mercury wasn't allowed to be gay anymore. God warned them that if they returned to their vices he would zap them down to hell in a puff of smoke.

So the three men were sent back down to earth and landed outside a pub/bar. The alcoholic runs inside, *poof* the alcoholic disappears.

Then the druggie sees a needle lying in the gutter, he walks over to it and bends over to pick it up. *poof* Freddie Mercury disappears

----

Okay..

Gods football team 'The Saints' got to the final of the cup, and had to play against 'The Devils' (great team names huh).

The match got underway.. Saint Peter got the ball and dribbled around a few defenders before having a shot, he beat the goal keeper but the ball hit the post. Saint Peter said "Damn!", much to Saint Pauls disgust.

A bit later Saint Michael received a good pass to put him through one on one with the goal keeper. He took the ball round him but his shot went over the ball. "SH*T" said Saint Michael, again Saint Paul couldn't believe his ears.

Towards the end of the match Saint David had a great chance to score, but the goal keeper saved his shot. So he shouted out "C**T", Saint Paul almost fainted.

After the match (The Saints lost 1-0) Saint Paul went to see God and explained to him what happened.

"God, Peter hit the post and said 'Damn', then Michael shot over and said 'Sh*t' and then... David's shot was saved and he said the C word"

God was furious... "I can't believe it" he said "What the F*ck are they playing at?!"