[Geezer]

MM. I don't know if this has any relation to your situation but I would like to tell you a story.

Almost exactly a year ago I had to resuscitate my son from a nearly fatal drug overdose because he just could no longer deal with his depression. As soon as he was released from the hospital I began working with him on ways that he can improve his life. Things like going back to school or finding a better job etc. He has become very negative and doesn't have the confidence in himself to make the changes that could be the difference. Every positive thing that I try to help him accomplish he always has an excuse for why it won't work or why he can't do it. I'm not sure if the depression has created the self image or if the self image has created the depression. He is terrified of failure and lacks confidence to the point that he has become anti-social. Anyway, what I have learned with him so far is that step one is FAR more difficult than step two. Step two is more difficult than step three and so on. I'm sure that if he could find the strength to make life changes that breed success he would find that success creates good feelings which create more success and so on. The important thing has been to make the initial steps small enough that he will succeed and big enough that he will feel good about them.

Another thing. My son worries and feels bad about the burden he is creating for us, his family. I want to smack the crap out of him every time he says that (not literally). If he could only understand the unconditional love that a parent has for their kids he would probably start to respond better to what I am trying to do. Sometimes I don't know what to do but i do know that I will never give up. I can only hope and pray that I can make a difference.

MM, use the people that want to help you. Don't be ashamed and don't hide from those that want to help. Don't try to bite off too much at one time and create situations in which you have the confidence that you will succeed. You are not alone.

EDIT: Another thing. Understand that there are chemicals in the brain that affect our moods. Depression is a physiological condition. Behavior modification alone isn't always enough. Don't rule out medication as a possible temporary aid in getting your life turned around.