Train To Hell
(Night Train To Venice)
(Genre? I haven't got a clue. Carlo U. Quinterio, GER, 1993, colour)
Why a picture of Venice? Why not. I tried to find a frame that would in some way sum up this flick, but there weren't any. I'll try to explain. Hugh Grant is a reporter who has written a book on neo-nazism, and is called to Venice to meet with a publishing house. He gets on the train and off he goes. Well, it could be that simple but: Onboard is also a mysterious stranger who frankly doesn't do much other that go around with his mystical sneering grin, looking as scary as he can... oh, and he happens to have some sort of magical abilities... and a cane... with a silver demon's head on top. Did I mention he stares a lot? Ok, onboard is also a pack of neo-nazis, an actress and her little daughter. There are all these other characters there, but what purpose they serve here is beyond me. We get introduced to characters who could have been interesting if they didn't just disappear from the script and the film. Anyhow...
Grant and Mother falls in love, gets to Venice where Grant is chased by the same neo-nazis, all while the stranger sneaks around looking mysterious... while staring... and smirking. The chase doesn't last long though and suddenly the daughter takes a dive from the balcony high above, gets rescued by Grant and everyone is happy. The End. I'm serious. There is absolutely no plot here. None and nada. All we have are frames of extremly varied quality, from the grainy-you-can-barely-make-out-what-you're-looking-at, to semi decent frames.
More tech talk. Holy cow! Scenes are constantly interrupted by other scenes of no relevancy, dialogues have rarely anything to do with anything interesting, and the lack of plot, rhyme or reason is just incredible.
This film is, come to think of it, more than just slightly annoying. The characters who vanish without a trace out of the (assuming there actually is one) story. Where did they go? What happened to them? No explaination given as to why they were introduced in the first place or why the sudden lack of screen-time. The Starer? Who is he? What is he after? Why can't he stop staring? No answers. What's with the book? Absolutely no clues given. I ended up asking the fundamental question, what does this movie
want? No answers whatsoever. I came up with the only possible answer, although it's still guesswork from me. I choose to believe this flick has one purpose: To show Hugh and Tahnee Welsh (who the heck is Tahnee Welsh anyway) hit the sack together, over and over again... and to show how much a starer Malcolm McDowell is.
I am looking for more things to say, but there really isn't all that much that can be said, considering the movie is as empty and directionless as a null vector.
Personal opinion: I honestly can't tell if this is art on a level far beyond my meager comprehension or if it is just a failure so huge I still can't comprehend. Truth, the first 20 minutes were excruciatingly dull and confusing, but after I chose to just don't give a damn, it turned into a nightmare-ish sort of thing. If they had remembered to include Hugh waking up, bathing in sweat, screaming, then it would have made some sense.