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Old 19-11-2009, 08:20 PM   #9
Balthasar42
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 5
Default Captain Bible needs a spunky, bubbly, sidekick!

No two ways about it, Captain Bible is simply awesome, for entirely unintentional reasons. The enjoyment I get from playing this game is en par with what I experience from watching “Plan 9 From Outer Space”: the cheese factor is incalculable.

I love that the Bible Corps is composed entirely of rugged, beautifully sculpted, bible-waving myrmidons, decked out in body-hugging white spandex (that does NOTHING to hide their juicy pythons) en-suite with a playful little blue chiton and cape… Phew. There’s no avoiding it: Captain B is unrepentantly sexy.

With that said, it gets really, really addictive watching Captain B sprint, guileless and gazelle-like, down endless cold, metal corridors, downloading choice passages into his computer bible. I caught myself reading each passage aloud and anticipating which CYBER-LIES to use them against… Man, if Fred Phelps dressed as fabulously as Captain B, he could sell me anything! Joking.

I half-agree with The_Lemming’s review regarding “valuable truths and lessons.” It is important for kids to “love thy neighbour” and not burn books or give in to peer pressure. However, I am amused whenever the game makes oblique, sideways jabs at other religions…

I haven’t played it that far, admittedly, but the very first brainwashed city councilwoman you rescue is discovered in a dark, candle-lit room bowing to a graven image and intoning “Ohm… Ohm…” She doesn’t break out into full-on “Shaanti-Shaanti-Shaanti” or anything, but once the councilwoman informs Captain B that she is, in fact, worshipping the “reincarnated Jesus Christ” and Captain B chides her for the folly of believing in reincarnation, the obvious implication is “Hinduism and Buddhism is WRONG, kids!” I’m prepared to accept that I may be leaping to conclusions… But not really.

And does anyone out there know precisely who the bespectacled man in the painting (decked out in a lamb-skin, overt puzzle-hint) is supposed to be? Gandhi? Jim Jones? The lead-designer’s father-in-law? Gandhi? Gandhi? It’s Gandhi, isn’t it? Did Gandhi ever self-identify as a false-Christ? Hmm…

There seem to be no overt swipes at the Judeo-Islamic traditions (besides one CYBER-LIE sounding something like “It’s okay to worship God but not Jesus…”) and I’ve yet to encounter a cyber that tries to “deceive” me with the idea that gays DON’T all burn in hell, or that the crusades were WRONG, or that it’s OKAY to eat fish on a Friday… Thus far, the game is relatively innocent on that score. Again, I haven’t played it all the way through.

I think I’m going to keep playing this game, because, with apologies, it is funny as hell. How can it not be funny, plowing your Sword of the Spirit into the tender vitals of evil, evil and deceitful cybers? It’s like watching an episode of “Father Ted” only where all the jokes are dead-pan and self-serious. Captain Bible seems to be a pretty harmless game, as well. It’s certainly way better than if there were some kind of Captain Mormon computer game out there, with the player charging around fighting the “Children of Cain”… Ahem.

Basically, I’m really, really glad this game was uploaded. It’s important that little gems like this are rediscovered, and that people be allowed to play them. It’s important for gamers, today, to know that over a decade ago a group of men and women felt the need to create a game to teach people that, among other things, “resurrection” is possible but that “reincarnation” is somehow bogus. Fifteen years from now, when “Left Behind” becomes abandonware, gamers should be free to play that as well. To play it and, if need be, laugh.

Last edited by Balthasar42; 19-11-2009 at 09:04 PM.
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