1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
Always true.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
Having sex with girls I don't know REALLY REALLY WELL is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
I don't like beer.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
True.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
I always take the stairs, especially since most places I go to don't have elevators.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
Boring.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
True.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
Not true. I'm in college, and I get more vacation time than when I was in public school.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
True.
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
I live in the woods, and most of my neighbors are elderly.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
Unfortunately true.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore
I could care less. I hate Taco Bell food.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
Oh yeah.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
Something like that.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
True.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM!
I never took naps; I always woke up feeling worse.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Always has been for me.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
I don't eat after 7:00PM
19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
I'm not a gal.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
$30+ is.
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
I don't eat breakfast at all.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
I don't like most alcoholic beverages, and people don't binge drink on wine anyway. Maybe wine coolers....
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
True.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
I don't like bars.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old behind.
Not true.
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