I'd say that the key internet-wise is consistently intelligent contribution to the community, while at the same time avoiding personal arguments. That will get people to accept you in at least a semi-positive manner, and if you are nice enough, you'll make friends and proceed to become one of the forum vets.
Now, myself, I'm a bit contraversial in my opinions, but I try as much as possible to present them as only opinions, and to treat others opinions impersonally, never questioning them as a person, only whatever they are stating. The fine line between a debate and a flame war, which I'm generally good about staying on the correct side of. I also try to be helpful wherever my expertise lies, which helps.
That strategy certainly hasn't caused entire forums to bow at my feet, but I have plenty of friends on various forums, and very few people who actually dislike me (though, as stated, my political views draw fire from time to time from right-libertarians and social conservatives alike).
However, once you get past not flaming, I think I respect people more for their intelligence and knowledgeability rather than how much they bend over backwards to be kind. There's certainly a difference between common courtesy and sickening abuse of compliments, which is important to grasp. I would be much more accurately described as intentionally formal and polite rather than distinctly kind.
Hmmm, this isn't a very good rant, I can't keep in context, so I'll stop.
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