First, I would like to say that I personally believe that everyone submitted excellent contributions. In the interest of fairness, I am going to give a small criticism for each piece, and end with my vote.
@Puffin: The concept is excellent, but the delivery fell through just a little. It is well written, but on the next go, try to use some description that has more impact, to better give a sense of the mood of the piece. You used a few really good descriptive words, but it was a little inconsistent. Keep up the good work, and you'll be ready to publish in no time.
@rainwife: Although the poem is clever, and the subject interesting, I would like to see more a more visceral use of description in future works. Also, I noticed that you used a lot of the passive verbs: "is, are, knew," etc. Try to use action verbs, they have a lot more impact on the reader. The only other thing I noticed was that your rhythm scheme seemed to slip here and there, but that is quite possibly the difference in pronunciation we may have, so I'm not sure if it's a valid criticism or not. All in all, I'm impressed. Refine your technique a little, and you could also publish in no time.
The last three are all extremely good, probably already at publishing level, and I had a very hard time deciding between them.
@Fawful: You should look into publishing your work. Your poetry is very mature and deep. The rhythm is nearly flawless, although some of the lines don't have quite the impact I think the subject deserves. You have used some very sophisticated literary techniques, as well.
@Wael: Excellent use of descriptive vocabulary, imho, the best of all the submissions. I would also suggest to you that you look into getting published. Use of metaphor, excellent. The one criticism I have for you is a little unfair. The long, run-on sentences make it difficult to read. Try using a variation of simple and compound sentences, to break up monotony and give a little more interest to the piece. Remember, the reader's attention span is rarely able to grasp long sentences, no matter how beautifully written they may be.
@SixApes: Publish Your Work. Description, metaphor, interest, depth of subject matter, emotional impact, consistency. Your piece has all of these. I wish I could think of a valid criticism, but I can't. The only thing I might say would be that as it is an example of poetic prose, your subject might be presented a little too loftily for the average reader. Borderline, in any case. Bravo.
Reading over criticisms:
My vote goes to SixApes.
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