Watching the progression of this particular section of the forum, I've been wondering recently what everyone thinks about this issue.

I personally feel that to gain respect, you must give it first. Also, you must be willing to put others before yourself. You may be brilliant, but you can share in someone else's brilliance by helping them grow into their own. In that way, both you, and your community becomes stronger. In some ways, encouraging differences allows the whole to be stronger. Emphasizing divisions only leads to fracture. A house divided will fall, after all...

But perhaps my own beliefs on respect aren't shared by this community. I am curious as to what others think about this.

Please, contribute your own thoughts here as well, if you have any you'd like to share.

talk softly and carry a big stick

definatly contribute to the site and members that always works but what makes it even better is giving others respect and showing your a nice guy/girl

Give respect, and you will gain it. And if that doesn't work, beat the living crap out of em. :evil: All right, if #1 don't work, try helping people. :whistle:

Be more than that you show you are, but never let the limits shimmer through. Use those things to help others out whenever it's needed. If you've done well, you can just stay silent 'bout it, as others'll talk 'bout it. That way, you'll gain respect of those worth gaining respect from.

I agree that you have to give respect to gain it. Although I'm not sure you should resort to beating them. Then again... :butcher:

This is an interesting topic, Taikara. I'm glad you opened it. One of the options mentioned, the one about giving respect before you receive it, is so true. If I meet someone who is respectful and kind - and can be forgiving/understanding even after I make my usual round of mistakes - then I think they're awesome. I couldn't ask for anything more from anyone.

Thanks, Wendy.

I think you're awesome! :wub: :D

And I couldn't agree more.

Actually, everyone's said really awesome stuff.

Well, minus beating the crap out of people.... :whistle: :Titan: :angel: :D

Kon-Tiki's words were very poetic! Beautifully put. :)

First off you need to make others know that YOU are better than THEM. Instant respect.

Seriously, respect is such a 'gansta' word. We all just live along here on the forum and we like eachother more or less for who they are. If you show knowledge and care for the good of they site people will hold you in higher regard. Its simple really.

Good point, Stroggy. But even if someone shows how clever and knowledgable they are, but yet makes others feel bad about themselves, then I suspect if they really know anything.

I'd say that the key internet-wise is consistently intelligent contribution to the community, while at the same time avoiding personal arguments. That will get people to accept you in at least a semi-positive manner, and if you are nice enough, you'll make friends and proceed to become one of the forum vets.

Now, myself, I'm a bit contraversial in my opinions, but I try as much as possible to present them as only opinions, and to treat others opinions impersonally, never questioning them as a person, only whatever they are stating. The fine line between a debate and a flame war, which I'm generally good about staying on the correct side of. I also try to be helpful wherever my expertise lies, which helps.

That strategy certainly hasn't caused entire forums to bow at my feet, but I have plenty of friends on various forums, and very few people who actually dislike me (though, as stated, my political views draw fire from time to time from right-libertarians and social conservatives alike).

However, once you get past not flaming, I think I respect people more for their intelligence and knowledgeability rather than how much they bend over backwards to be kind. There's certainly a difference between common courtesy and sickening abuse of compliments, which is important to grasp. I would be much more accurately described as intentionally formal and polite rather than distinctly kind.

Hmmm, this isn't a very good rant, I can't keep in context, so I'll stop.

@feminista:

That was very well thought out, thank you for responding. I agree, and would like to add my own personal amendment to this statement:

So often, I think people focus on the negative and forget to ever mention the positive. Getting in the habit of offering compliments is a good way to avoid doing that. Of course, that's just my opinion.

I can also understand how for some people it would seem obnoxious. Therefore, my reasoning is that as long as you're being honest, it's perfectly okay to compliment away! :ok:

I think in terms of who I respect there's two aspects to it -- a decent amount of Clue and a habit of doing the Right Thing.

Clue isn't necessarily about being smart or good at things, it's about knowing your limits and putting in an effort. Someone who knows they don't know much about something but asks intelligent questions and is trying to learn will get far more respect from me than someone who guesses and tries to make things up, or someone who just doesn't care. We all have weaknesses; it's how we deal with them that makes a big difference in my book.

The Right Thing is a little harder to define... ethics is such a personal thing. I guess it's being willing to lend a hand, not lying and being dishonest to get ahead, that sort of thing. What I guess amounts to showing respect. :)

As this site is aimed at gamers (all be it classic gamers) my vote goes for bludgeoning! But if it were in the real world I do believe that respect is earned and not just given. In other words do what needs to be done properly and do it well, Show respect to others and eventually it will come back to you. :D

I respect everyone, but not because I want them to respect me.

That would be a very egoistic thing to do. I respect people, because I love them. No strings attached. I don't want anything in return.

Who needs respect?

When someone has done something very good, like a well painted picture or music, I try to tell him that his work is good. But I don't say anything if it didn't deserve a good note. I prefer not to throw out empty compliments, I think they are nothing worth and sound just hollow, which doesn't leave a good feeling behind.
Generally I try to treat all people respectfully. But if I can't stand someone, I simply go out of his way. No need to start an argument with that person. Unless he pursues me himself. Then I can become pretty "uncomfortable". :max:
About receiving respect myself, well... I like it when someone notices something good that I made. But I'm not on a search for respect, it's much better to stay modest. :)

It would be nice to think that I respect all the people, and I guess that fundementely I do- but that doesn't stop me from thinking that - under the right circumstances - some are in that period of time idiots - off course I don't say that to them, but I do think it. The reason why I don't say it to them is not because I would be affraid of them, but becuase I don't want to hurt them....

Respect is overestimated,
Just something that makes one feel special,
different? an Illusion -

But still,
No matter the basical thought of its actuality,
One still cannot deny his basical need for it -

So yes,
Eventhough I try not to yearn for it,
I do enjoy feeling respected,
And sometimes I am willing to give it -

But afterwards I do hate the thought of it /-

Talk about irony -

Hmm, I don't want to go to much into that, but that may not be entierly true...
I remeber in the Art topics, you did give compliments to some - trying to cheer them up and do post their work and saying it is not so bad... Now I feel (as an artist???) like muck because you didn't comment anything on my work - not saying that you shoould or that it is any good, and it obviously isn't, because you were quiet, and not just you, only SixApes wrote something...

@Wael - I do want to feel special sometimes...

A truly intelligent person respects everyone who is sincere and accepting of others.

But still I think respect is a very primitive way of thinking, the way we interpret the way nowadays. Everybody deserves respect, it is a human right, but in our modern time the word respect is now associated with gangst's with bling or other daft words like that.

what an nice poll - and interesting views posted so far!

as many opinions have been gathered here, already, there's not much more
for me to say. kon-tiki diplayed my view on this topic quite well, but with my
english skills i would never have been able to express it in such simple yet
clear words like he did!

anyway, i'd like to tell you about how i think about respect.
first of all, i voted for the option, that you first have to be repectful towards others
before you are able to receive it...

however, i think that there's another important point which might be considerable
in this discussion: self-respect.

it's not possible to show appropriate repect for your fellow human beings without
respecting yourself. of course this might easily be confused with vanity but i'm sure
we all know the difference (although the border between these two aspects can be
thin).

if you pretend to be respecting others without having a certain level of self-
consciousness, your behaviour could turn out to be more hypocritical than
respectful, imo! if you're honest and critical enough to appraise your own character
and your deeds properly, without hyping or dumping yourself falsely, then you
will come to see where your position towards yourself is ranked. according to this
sort of "evaluation" you will develop a certain level of self-respect.

from this position you will define your way of dealing with others. a decent level
of self-respect and a stable and healthy sense of moral, interaction with ppl around
you more or less automatically leads to social interaction basing on respectful terms.

of course, there are still other factors which have to be included such as hierarchical
structures or cultural differences which are strong dynamics in today's society.
but despite these aspects, it's always possible and required to uphold the respect
anyone deserves - it simply is a matter of insight, self-reflection, honesty and morality...

i hope my explanation was not too confusing.

Oh my god, I oversaw a thread by you? :blink: OMG
My deep apologies, I'm underway now. :tomato:

Edit: but where is your work? I can't find anything... :unsure:

See you have found it Freddy :D

Sorry, just oversaw it. Nobody is perfect. :ph34r: :tomato: :D

I think we all just need work hard for respect...

It`s the start of a good life :angel:

What about moi? :(

RESPECT...

What can I say?
To respect something means that you won't go aginst it. So to respect a person simply because it's another fellow human would be basic respect and would mean that you won't do anything to harm that person (phisicaly or mentaly).

But how to gain respect?
That depends on the crowd you're in. If you're the single purple three leged bug in a crowd of xenophobic five leged greeneyed slugs then you won't get respect no mater what you do.
Otherwise you can only be who you are. If people don't respect that (if being who you are doesn't mean you're a disrespectful basterd) they can just go kiss the white lines in the middle of a busy highway during street race.
But one should never try to change just to get respect from someone. Then you're going against who you are and that's bad. Then you'll lose the respect for your self and no one can respect you then.
Personally I don't care iff strangers do or do not respect me, but from the people I work with it's importaint to have a certain amount of respect otherwise they would backstab me.
It's really something that depends on a certain situation.

One comment on respect...to me it's one of the most important things to have that CAN be earned. As we go through life, most people want to be liked/loved by everyone. If I had it my way, I'd be everyone's best friend. But, I realize that it's not possible. Someone is going to dislike you, no matter how hard you try to rectify the situation. However, even people that don't care for us can still have respect for us. To me, respect is almost more important to have than feelings of like. It shows trust, not blind faith.

Ex. I really dislike Michael Jordan...don't ask me why. But, I RESPECT him for the amazing athlete that he is (was) and that can't be taken away from him.

Well there's one problem with that.
You just said you respect something that someone did, not the person itself.

But I hope you realize that someone must be quite intelegent to feel respect toward someone. Otherwise it's either fear or admiration.

Sebastianos, you have a good point. Sometimes it can be hard to distinguish someone's characteristics, attributes, and personality from their actions. I do think, however, that someone's actions reflect a lot on who that person is. The example of MJ was a bad one, I admit. But, I do know a kid that goes to my university that rubs me the wrong way. I swear, if there was someone that I'd just love to rough up, it'd be him. Having said that, I still have the utmost respect for him. He's extremely intelligent and seems to be good with other people. I just think he's cocky, so I don't like him. Like I said before though, is it better to have respect or someone's approval?

Respect is something you earned with worthy deeds (usually). I think it' more worth than approval. ;)

Indeed this is a good topic!
I respect people becouse uhh...... otherwise it was booooooriiiiiing....

And because you otherwise wouldn't have many friends. :bleh:

Help too much and people'll trample over you, though. They'll just only come talk to you when they need anything done and are too lazy to do it themselves. The trick is to judge where help is needed and where not or you'll lose respect and become people's wipingcloth.

DragonLancer, next time please edit your post to avoid double posting.

As for respect goes...I've found I am respected most, when I give respect to those around me. I help in anyway possible as well though. People know they can come to me if they need something done (I'm mainly talking music here, because that is my main leadership position.), and I will have it finished for them the next day (or the next hour, depending on what it is.) But you also need to demonstrate that you deserve respect. One kid who was in percussion this year with me HATED me, but he always asked me for help on his parts, and he listened when I spoke because he knew I was a better mallet player than he was. However, you can not flaunt your superiority around, or else people will think of you as arrogant and you will lose respect. If you are good at what you do, people will notice you without having to put extra effort to get noticed.

Now that was a good example of respecting someone!
Dragonlancer is a new member (Welcome to the SITE) and has made a mistake.
Out of respect for him ReamusQL didn't shout or anything, he just politely told him something for the future reference.
Dragonlancer then was unclear about what was wrong - so there was a little misunderstandmant, but still he was respectful and tried to follow the rules.
ReamusQL then explained the rules futhrer and everything was peachy! That's the way to go.
Someone impatient or disrespectful would just start a conflict and would even chase Dragonlancer away.
But the respect didn't end there. They even exchanged curtasies - by saying "thank you" and "any time".

So being respectful also means that you show good manors.
I know most of us try to do that all the time, but I would just like to give big :ok: as this could be a great example - and it in the right topic.

thank you, thank you :kosta: Give a hand for my partner in this demonstration here dragonlancer, he's a great guy. Go on, take a bow son! :kosta: :ok:

edit : stupid citatation


maybe we should just let people live "like they want", i meant

Well, in that case there's no reason to let you live, right? After all, you don't respect anyone. :max:

Hmmm. I think a person should work hard to improve himself. then other people will notice him and respect him for what he is and for his ability to improve himself. Try for a year if it doesn't work #1 would get the job done ;)

Cleaned up (double posting stuff) and splitoff,
Enjoy

For this theme I should say that respect is what you have to earn by work or etc. After all - RESPECT IS EVERYTHING.(from GTA2).

do you need respect to survive
do you need respect to rule other people
do you need respect to be loved by other people

i think we all just wanna be loved, thats all

I show people respect in order to show that I love them.

Love in the agape, though it works for phileo and eros as well. But that's another topic.

good point taikara!

I don't need respect, nor do others need to be respected by me, yet I respect some people and I know they respect me.

To be honest - do you need your computer? Do you need all the food you eat?

Respecting each other isn't about what we need, it's about what we should do in order to live together as a comunity.
If you don't respect the person next to you, you might just walk all over that person instead of helping that person to get up. And that would be wrong.
Respecting someone - or something - is doing right, because it's the right thing to do. I repsect nature, so I won't go out cutting down trees. I respect animals, so I'll try to feed the birds in winter and I automatically stop the car if an animal runs over the road (that could cause an accident, but I simply press the brake if I see a cat running over the road). I respect people, that's why I try to help them - there's a various range of things you can do - most of them are just nice behaviour: opening doors for someone, greeting, letting pedestrians cross, helping someone with cariying stuff, stoping when you see someone might be in trouble, standing up to let somebody more needy sit down (if somebody is older, or can not stand anymore,...). That's basic human respect, that let's us get along easier and makes this world a nicer place.

Well said, Sebatianos :ok:

im a bit confused :crazy:

is it respect you are talking about

or is it just to be nice to everybody

or maybe it is sympathy for some things

i always thought it has to do sth with fear :ph34r:

maybe im wrong

it thing we should take things how they are

or just let people live like they want

the word respect comes from the roman empire
as far as i know. we should normally have other words in our own
language for this

Bye

Respect has only to do with the credits you get from other people..

Even in the Netherlands we use the work: Respect :bleh:

A kind word and a gun will get you alot further than a kind word alone...
but I dont get much respect, even if I give it out. I just get promoted to spamking...

Still is you're name:

Call me god...


Maybe change to SPAMKING admins??

Yes, we are talking about respect.

What you're talking about is the classic case that Machiavelli mentioned in his Prince.

You can not make others feel possitive about you, but you can make them fear you.
So many people think that respect comes from strength and fear, but it's not so.
Ask your self this - how do you show someone that you respect them? It's easy - you treat them as you would like to be treated. How do you make people respect you? You can't. You can make them fear you, but that's about it. You can only set a good example and if they recognise it, they will start respecting you. So respect has nothing to do with fear - it's quite the oposite.
If I earned somebodys respect they will stand up for me when I'm in trouble adn would even risk to get hurt. Good example would be from the movie "The Pianist". They respected him for being an artist - and so they risked by pulling him out of the line and the officer didn't kill him. That was respect.
Fear would mean, that once people aren't scared of you any more they will try and take their revange. Fear produces negative feelings, respect is a positive feeling.
Hope this clears it up.

i think you got good friends :Tom:

but why are you talking about people risk their health for you

this makes others respect you, cause they fear you :crazy:

...

respect should be another word for acception

or, the best way to respect people is to ignore them :ok:

anyhow :bye:

I doubt very much there's a single person in the world who fears me (that includes my pupils - they might be afraid of the test, but not of me).
There are people that dislike me, yet they have done me a favour or two, because they respected me and had faith in me. They didn't like me, but respected my work, so they knew I'd do a good job - so they helped me (and they gained nothing from it, but the job was well done). I ofcourse gave credit to them too (although I didn't like them). We werent a team, but we worked together in that case, because we had mutual respect (I too knwe that the support of that person would be very helpful to me - although I'd prefer if it would come from somebody else).

Respect is one of those extremely opinion-based things, and I think a lot of you don't really know what respect actually is. Respect is to show differential regard or esteem to something or someone, or to avoid violation or interferance with something.

A lot of you guys are using the word "respect" to mean "common courtesy", which is don't crap on your neighbor's lawn, in layman's terms. You only "respect" someone if you hold them in extremely high regard, and you only show "respect" when you give someone a wide berth to do as they please.

Every human being on the planet deserves common courtesy, as per their status as human beings. That means that you don't go out of your way to piss someone off or to otherwise cause them misery. However, nobody DESERVES respect. Respect is earned and gained through tireless effort, not because of status.

That is the mindset I had to deal with for years in High School, where teachers that weren't worth the paper their diplomas were printed on demanded that I respect them. Just because you're a principal, or a manager, or the president or king of a nation, doesn't mean you deserve anything except the common courtesy that everyone else deserves. And if you think you deserve respect, then you obviously do not.

It's kinda like the old adage that only those who don't want to have power should have it, becuase they are less likely to abuse it and more likely to do a good job. Yeah, it's a generalization, but it makes perfect sense, in my mind.

@Mentor:

I think that is an excellent point, and thank you for bringing it up, as it is the sort of respect I was curious about when I posted this topic.

Courtesy and respect are two different things, but in some ways, they also go hand in hand. I personally am courteous to people I dislike, and respectful to those I love.

Courtesy for me is simply a way to not burn bridges. You never know when someone you dislike could turn around and earn your respect, causing you to re-evaluate your feelings for them.

I remember I went out on a date with this really gorgeous girl, and I did all of these things with out really thinking about it, such as opening her door for her, holding the door to the restaurant, holding her chair, etc. All of these things that seemed natural to me. At the end of the night when I walked her to her doorstep, she almost started crying on my shoulder saying how I was the first guy that ever opened her door for her, or walked her to the doorstep, or anything like that. She told me I was the first guy she had ever gone on a date with who respected her, and wasn't just trying to get her into bed. To me, everything I did seemed like not that big a deal, just something a guy should do. I actually did it without thinking, because it seemed so normal.

Yes, it's rare now that people treat other people like that. But I wonder why she seemingly never encountered that someone did the same for her. I thought this is altogether a usual thing (just like you) to treat women polite, and that at least usually men do the same... :unsure:

that's true and I agree with that (although I was one of the people who were making a connection between both). The connection is there, but respect is much more then that (that's just a way of showing some common respect to a fellow human being).
But I started making this point as the contrary to the statemants that respect is gained by violence and money (that's a new thread now - seperated from this one).
Respect in my opinion is also giving someone the benefit of a doubt.
OK - enough from me, as I probably won't have much more to add. If I do you'll hear from me again.

yeah i think its different fom common courtesy, too

i think you earn respect if you are good in sth
it has sth to do with honor and that this person is admitted
for being good at sth or couraged or whatever

as i said its a latin word and i think they might used it in connection with reign.

i lost my latin book somewhere but i think its from "recipere"

the romans where not only respected because of their militairy
they were respected by building roads and sanitary buildings, too.

so the natural word has sth to do with good and bad reign :crazy:

anyhow you should earn respect for not being useless :D

but even the worst can be used as a bad example LOL

"earning" respect depends on the people who could give it to you

whereas wanting respect depends to you
(who wants respect of idiots ???)

quite a complex topic :blink:

thats all I know now :angel:

Bye :bye: Bye

Being charismatic is a good way to earn somebodies respect.Being nice is also another way, but sometimes people will just take advantage of you :not_ok:

Only if you allow them to. There's a fine line between doing what you're asked for and being able to decline at times. ;)

Definitely by hard work. Giving respect to others is a good thing, but you'll never earn mauch respect yourself that way. You have to earn it.

Respect begets respect.