The Adventures of YOU!
 

This is the story of a hero, who must get inside the evil wizard's castle and defeat the mage within. Here is the good part: you decide how he does it.
The rules of the game are really simple. I will leave the first part of the tale at the end of my post, along with the first series of options. You must then choose one single option, and then YOU decide what happens when the hero of the story does this, and leave some options of your own. A story written by everybody.

Here goes:
The castle loomed over Bert the Barbarian, as he gripped the handle of his longsword and scanned the dark wall for some means of entrance. A narrow window caught his eye. He could fit through that, but candlelight on the other side suggested the room was occupied. Another possible entrance was the front gate, but it was heavily guarded. His last option was to climb the walls and search atop the battlements for the wizard's room.

So what shall Bert do? Squeeze through the window, walk through the gate or climb the walls?

Bert squeezed easily through the window, and jumped down in the princess's bathroom.
There stood the princess, naked, the once beautifull princess Esmeralda. The 'once beautifull', because with her 185 years she was kinda ... euuurh ... yep.
As soon she glanced at the muscled barbarian she drooled, longing for some hot action.

So what shall Bert do?
-> scream and jump out through the window.
-> make love, not war.
-> loadgame and try something else.

Bert decided to just shut his eyes and feel his way through this mess. (a.k.a make love not war) After all he was here anyways and Princess Esme looked like she wanted it bad. He leapt into her arms smothering her with kisses. Suddenly the door burst open and the Evil Mage entered wearing only his bathrobe.

"You scum! What are you doing defiling my prize concubine!" he screams.
"Get those dirty hairy hands off of her!"
He raises his hands to cast a spell!

"GULP! What should I do next?" Bert ponders.

~ fight the evil mage
~ scream like a little girl and jump through the window
~ use the princess as a meat shield

of course 3

The evil wizard cast his spell on you but you use the princess as a meatshield, and since the spell was supposed to losen your penis, the magic missle hits the princess and nothing happens.

Now it's your time. What do you do next?
You see a mace hanging on the wall

a) Take the mace and try to beat the crap out of the wizard
b) Use the princess as a mace
c) Start dancing YMCA

b.

Using the princess as a mace, you flail wildly at the wizard. He skillfully avoids your attack and casts a spell of lightening on you. You swing your body around and manage to avoid the lightening, but unfortunately (as you are still holding the princess) you crack her skull open on a wall.

Do you -

a)burst into tears
b)burst into tears and scream for your mother
c)burst into tears and run wildly at the wizard whilst screaming for your mother
d)laugh

Seeing the skull of that lovely princess being cracked on the wall you burst into tears.
Thinking about what kind of action you missed when she died you burst into tears and scream for your mother.
You only want revenge and bloodshed now, so again you burst into tears of despair and run wildly at the wizard whilst screaming for your mother, you want his blood.
The wizard pulls his arms in the air to cast another devasting spell, doing that the wizard's robe fell open so you begin to laugh.
In a reflex you do the YMCA dance, to create a diversion, gives you a split second to grab your sword and swirl it to the wizard's head.
There is a huge flash, lot's of smoke and some kind of weird voices coming out of the ceiling .... the wizard disappears and there you are, alone with the dead princess and a sword in your hand doing the YMCA moves.
Ohwell, one of those days, can happen.

Time to do some work, you try the door, but it's locked.

-> Was a hard day, time to get some sleep now, there is a bed, so what?
-> You breakthrough the door using your sword.
-> You jump out the window and try something else.

Using his sword Bert hacked through the flimsy lock on the bathroom door. He opened the door and cautiously peeped down the hall. It seems he was in the main chambers of the wizard's private harems. Standing around are multitudes of beautiful harem gals bathing/laughing/giggling/chasing eachother around the center of the pond thats in the middle of the room.

"Oh." said Bert.
"This should be fun."
What should Bert do next?

a ~ remove his clothes and leap into the midst of the girls
b ~ ignore the girls and enter a side door to his right
c ~ kill as many of them as he can

Drawing his sword, Bert starts hacking against the girls but ALAS! They are enchanted lizardmen who soon polymorph back into their normal appearance. The lizards use their poison breath, but Bert manages to bash through a sidedoor and finds himself in a room with a big statue. There seems to be a knob at the statue's podest.

a) fiddle around with the knob and see what happens.
b) slam the door shut then bar it with the cabinet nearby to stop the following lizardmen
c) try to find a different way out of this room

You slam the door shut and bar it with the cabinet, unfortunately the lizardmen breakthrough and kill you.

You have died.

EDIT:

In Soviet Russia, adventures make YOU!
:p

Luckily, you were carrying a Pheonix Down, and stand up, slashing a lizard person across the stomach and making his guts pour out on the floor

Now, what do you do?

a. Fiddle with the Knob
b. YMCA To release Stress?
c. Try to find a different way out of the room
d. See what you can find on the dead Lizard Persons corpse