You are crushed under a mound of Zebloogian Wormburgers. All several years past their expiry date.

I wish some n00bs actually read the FAQs.

Granted, they read the FAQs but still don't get it.

I wish for a beer.

Granted. A bottle of beer appears in thin air and crashes on the pavement.

I wish Hitler has never lived.

Granted, instead the nazi dictator was called Pitler.

I wish for a role of toilet paper.

Granted, you're now a toilet paper mummy in the next B-movie.

I wish for a better OS for my brain.
(SO NO WINDOWS!!)

Granted. You now have the OS of an Oric-1

I wish I was a wizard.

Granted, you are a bathroom cleaning wizard, use your skills as you see it fit.

I wish I was a lemur.

Granted, but because of deforestation you have no place to live.

I wish to know everything about Linux.

Granted, you now have no social life.

I wish my burps would be louder.

Granted, but your farts are louder too.

I wish i live next to an anime store.