The Adventures of YOU!

[verek_22]

This is the story of a hero, who must get inside the evil wizard's castle and defeat the mage within. Here is the good part: you decide how he does it.
The rules of the game are really simple. I will leave the first part of the tale at the end of my post, along with the first series of options. You must then choose one single option, and then YOU decide what happens when the hero of the story does this, and leave some options of your own. A story written by everybody.

Here goes:
The castle loomed over Bert the Barbarian, as he gripped the handle of his longsword and scanned the dark wall for some means of entrance. A narrow window caught his eye. He could fit through that, but candlelight on the other side suggested the room was occupied. Another possible entrance was the front gate, but it was heavily guarded. His last option was to climb the walls and search atop the battlements for the wizard's room.

So what shall Bert do? Squeeze through the window, walk through the gate or climb the walls?

[dosraider]

Bert squeezed easily through the window, and jumped down in the princess's bathroom.
There stood the princess, naked, the once beautifull princess Esmeralda. The 'once beautifull', because with her 185 years she was kinda ... euuurh ... yep.
As soon she glanced at the muscled barbarian she drooled, longing for some hot action.

So what shall Bert do?
-> scream and jump out through the window.
-> make love, not war.
-> loadgame and try something else.

[Acethor]

Bert decided to just shut his eyes and feel his way through this mess. (a.k.a make love not war) After all he was here anyways and Princess Esme looked like she wanted it bad. He leapt into her arms smothering her with kisses. Suddenly the door burst open and the Evil Mage entered wearing only his bathrobe.

"You scum! What are you doing defiling my prize concubine!" he screams.
"Get those dirty hairy hands off of her!"
He raises his hands to cast a spell!

"GULP! What should I do next?" Bert ponders.

~ fight the evil mage
~ scream like a little girl and jump through the window
~ use the princess as a meat shield

[_r.u.s.s.]

of course 3

The evil wizard cast his spell on you but you use the princess as a meatshield, and since the spell was supposed to losen your penis, the magic missle hits the princess and nothing happens.

Now it's your time. What do you do next?
You see a mace hanging on the wall

a) Take the mace and try to beat the crap out of the wizard
b) Use the princess as a mace
c) Start dancing YMCA

[Lulu_Jane]

b.

Using the princess as a mace, you flail wildly at the wizard. He skillfully avoids your attack and casts a spell of lightening on you. You swing your body around and manage to avoid the lightening, but unfortunately (as you are still holding the princess) you crack her skull open on a wall.

Do you -

a)burst into tears
b)burst into tears and scream for your mother
c)burst into tears and run wildly at the wizard whilst screaming for your mother
d)laugh

[dosraider]

Seeing the skull of that lovely princess being cracked on the wall you burst into tears.
Thinking about what kind of action you missed when she died you burst into tears and scream for your mother.
You only want revenge and bloodshed now, so again you burst into tears of despair and run wildly at the wizard whilst screaming for your mother, you want his blood.
The wizard pulls his arms in the air to cast another devasting spell, doing that the wizard's robe fell open so you begin to laugh.
In a reflex you do the YMCA dance, to create a diversion, gives you a split second to grab your sword and swirl it to the wizard's head.
There is a huge flash, lot's of smoke and some kind of weird voices coming out of the ceiling .... the wizard disappears and there you are, alone with the dead princess and a sword in your hand doing the YMCA moves.
Ohwell, one of those days, can happen.

Time to do some work, you try the door, but it's locked.

-> Was a hard day, time to get some sleep now, there is a bed, so what?
-> You breakthrough the door using your sword.
-> You jump out the window and try something else.

[Acethor]

Using his sword Bert hacked through the flimsy lock on the bathroom door. He opened the door and cautiously peeped down the hall. It seems he was in the main chambers of the wizard's private harems. Standing around are multitudes of beautiful harem gals bathing/laughing/giggling/chasing eachother around the center of the pond thats in the middle of the room.

"Oh." said Bert.
"This should be fun."
What should Bert do next?

a ~ remove his clothes and leap into the midst of the girls
b ~ ignore the girls and enter a side door to his right
c ~ kill as many of them as he can

[Wicky]

Drawing his sword, Bert starts hacking against the girls but ALAS! They are enchanted lizardmen who soon polymorph back into their normal appearance. The lizards use their poison breath, but Bert manages to bash through a sidedoor and finds himself in a room with a big statue. There seems to be a knob at the statue's podest.

a) fiddle around with the knob and see what happens.
b) slam the door shut then bar it with the cabinet nearby to stop the following lizardmen
c) try to find a different way out of this room

[Kugerfang]

You slam the door shut and bar it with the cabinet, unfortunately the lizardmen breakthrough and kill you.

You have died.

EDIT:

In Soviet Russia, adventures make YOU!
:p

[Fubb]

Luckily, you were carrying a Pheonix Down, and stand up, slashing a lizard person across the stomach and making his guts pour out on the floor

Now, what do you do?

a. Fiddle with the Knob
b. YMCA To release Stress?
c. Try to find a different way out of the room
d. See what you can find on the dead Lizard Persons corpse

[angry axe]

you search the lizard mans body you see something shining around its lower bowels you grab it and in doing so it releases gas that makes you want to go to the toilet, you run back to the bathroom and shut the door you sit on the toilet, and unleash a massive fart that engulfs the castle and you then notice that the princess, being a heavy smoker has a still lit cigarette, the castle explodes the wizard dies but then again so do you. you do not live to fart another day. you then proceed to throw your computer out the window and in the heat of the sun it catches fire and the fire spreads to the house. you die, again

[_r.u.s.s.]

WHERE ARE THE OPTIONS MISTER_qweqwe__

[angry axe]

lol sure i added them :doh: (sorry) and i cant edit any more so here they are... #1 resurrect but sacrifice one body part....... #2 possess the body of your evil grandmother #3 bug everyone in the afterlife until you get sent back to earth (sorry if there all together but my computer seems to do that)

[SlowCoder]

#3

You annoy God, Allah, and all the other big boys up high by your incessant farting. You've stunk up the heavens with your internal combustibles for the last time, mister! Someone, you don't know who, places their big boot on your backside and pushes you out of heaven.

You fall, and fall, and fall, with no ground in sight. So long do you fall, that you eventually get hungry enough to eat a horse. Unfortunately, there are no horses.

Your choices:
1. You gnaw off your left arm. You're bleeding badly, but you're not hungry any more. With the ground just in sight, you decide to take a much needed post-lunch nap (partly brought on by the loss of blood), and zonk out.
2. You remember your days in midevil boy scouts, where they taught you to suck on rocks to stave off hunger. Looking in your pouch you don't have any rocks. Or do you?
3. You don't eat. Instead, you, lacking nutrients to survive, pass into a deep sleep, never to awaken again. After falling for a few millennia, you are picked up by a band of maurading body snatchers, who reanimate your body and use it for nasty puppet shows.

[hahajejeje]

decided the #3
after they cacht you,you are obligated to do whatever than they say,including run like a dog or say "i am a N00b with a microphone.
After you do all these stupid things,you see than the door on the front gate is open,what bert should do?
1:
go and run tto the door open
2:
pee on one of your catchers,because he is distracted with a beutiful old lady....yuuk!!
3:
pick up the paralyzer-metal-electrical and kill everibody like the "old good times"

[Mousazz]

You pick up the paralyzer-metal-electrical and kill everybody, peeing on one of your catchers and run through the door.

You find yourself in a cage room with about 50 people trapped in the cages. 5 of them are dead, 10 are sleeping, 15 are driven insane and the rest are playing bert the barbarian.

The warden stands up and says "Oi, you little thief, don't move!".

What should our hero do:

1)Open the cages and release the prisoners,
2)Open one cage, get in, close the cage and play bert the barbarian,
3)Attack the warden with the tazer.

[hahajejeje]

Y chose #1
After Bert release the prisioners,those ho were mad attack the guard as crazy dogs.
after all these-discusting-things happens you look up and there is a window with metal barrs,and then bert look down and he see a few of coins.
What Bert Should do:
#1
Pick up the coins and eat it (boy,he is hungry)
#2
Brake the window and escape :doh:
#3
Eat The paralizer-metal-electrical

[thenikman]

2.

Bert finds he can't break the windows, so he somehow knocks out a guard and takes his metal knife. When he get outside, he sees a big moat. Does he....

1. Attempt to build a raft

2. Swim across

3. Try to find another way around.

[hahajejeje]

1#
After Bert builds his improved raft he das acount than there is no sea,at least,those coins were yummy.
He uses his knife for kill one of the guards,with that dead man (mmm....yummy..mmm...)he looks at the front gate is open!!
he across the side and wacht than you are in a mountain-cloud-pizza!!
then!! Bert decide....
1#
Throw yourself to the ground (perhaps maybe is just a dream because you eat that rotten horse)
2#
Eat a part of that mountain-cloud-pizza (he is starving!!)
3#
Pick up his raft and make some mountain-cloud-pizza-ski!!

[Mousazz]

(Although it didn't make much sense...)

2. Bert starts eating the mountain cloud pizza but finds out it's only an illusion. He's trapped on a mountain with his sword, knife and tazer. He sees far away the castle and the road. Looking at the stars he finds out he travelled back in time to yesterday, and you are playing bert the barbarian again! You go to the road. There are three ways into the castle: the heavily guarded front gate, a window (it has a light on the other side suggesting someone's in there), or you could scale the wall up to the roof. What should bert do?

1. Attack the gate guards
2. Enter through the window
3. Scale the wall to the roof