Download Absolute Pinball

When I first heard about this game, I had high expectations. After all, it was published by 21st century Entertainment, the company who had one year earlier releaser the awesome Pinball Illusions. No bad game could come from them, right? 

Wrong. For this time, they didn't choose Digital Illusions as the game's developer but a rather obscure company under name of Unique Development Studios. And they in turn did a very thorough job at making what can be considered one of the worst pinball games ever produced. 

This "game" - if it can be classified as such - can be summed up in two words. The first is UTTERLY. The second is ABYSMAL. Let's see why. 

First, take a look on the graphics. Not too shabby, with five different display resolutions including "VESA flip" where the entire table is displayed on the screen, but rotated 90 degrees to the left (useful if your neck is permanently fixed at this angle). They are however far from the near-photographic quality found in Pinball Illusions and the appearance of the tables themselves isn't particularly inviting for a closer examination either. 

Second, the music. In the menu itself it's completely nonexistent, while at the individual tables you get a bunch of silly tunes that must have been done by someone with a psych degree - that's because their repetitiveness and annoyance levels are sufficient to infuriate a normal human being within under 5 minutes from the beginning.

This sort of music is something you'd rather expect in one of those bedtime cartoons that 4 year old kids love so much - weirdness that should never be seen or heard by an adult unless the aforementioned adult is willing to take next six months out of their life and pay a hefty sum for psychiatric therapy. 

Third, the gameplay. In the main menu the players are greeted by some ridiculous mixture between a clown and a robot... it's so garish you can't look at it and not cringe.

Apart from appearance, the tables don't have much to differ from each other, really. All are equally slow, boring and uninventive, especially when you've seen the intensity of action-jammed tables in Pinball Illusions. This "game" ain’t any fun, really.

We can't of course forget the "revolutionary" physics model. The way the ball moves is often absurd, and at times reaches total improbability. 

Only merit to bother with trying this game is to give a small brother/sister/cousin/guest/whatever something to occupy them for a few minutes. For kids age 3 to 6 this could actually work.

However, Absolute Pinball has nothing to offer as an actual pinball game, and I advise pretty much everyone to not touch it unless with a ten-foot pole. If you want a pinball, there are many better ones available, both on Abandonia and elsewhere. 

Play this one on your own risk. You have been warned.